8.07.2006

Monday, July 10, 2006

USING ELFIN MAGIC TO CLEAN YOUR HOME
Current mood: LALALALALA NOT LISTENING



SQUEAKY CLEAN GREETING TO YOU ALL, WRATHKETEERS!
I HAVE BEEN ON A BIT OF A CLEANING BINGE FOR THE LAST WEEK OR SO. THIS STARTED WHEN MY MOM- APPALED BY MY CARPETS, PROCEEDED TO BUY ME A NEW VACUUM. LET ME PREFACE THAT WITH THE FACT THAT THE VACUUM I BOUGHT LAST YEAR DECIDED IT DIDN'T WANT TO BE A VACUUM ANYMORE 3 MONTHS AGO.
YEAH, THE CARPETS WERE APPALING AT BEST.
ANYWAY, MY MOMMY BOUGHT ME THE X-BOX/NINTENDO OF UPRIGHT VACUUMS- A DYSON DC-14 ANIMAL!
YAY-FOR-ME!!!
THIS THING SUCKS LIKE A TOOTHLESS PROSTITUTE JONESING FOR SMACK.
THE FILTH THAT CAME FROM MY CARPETS ON ITS MAIDEN VOYAGE FILLED ME WITH SHAME- IT HAD TO BE EMPTIED 4 TIMES. EW
AFTER THE SHOCK WORE OFF I MOVED ON TO MY 2ND FAVOURITE CLEANING ITEM- THE MR CLEAN MAGIC ERASER. THIS SQUISHY WHITE BLOCK EFFECTIVELY CLEANS ANYTHING- WITHOUT SOAP. IT IS PARTICULARLY GOOD ON IMPOSSIBLE TO REMOVE STUFF LIKE MINERAL SCALE IN THE SHOWER, THE MYSTERY STAIN IN THE KITCHEN SINK- AND COMMUNISTS.
NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS MADE OUT OF, BUT IT COMES FROM GERMANY. I THEORIZE IT IS MADE BY ELVES IN THE MAGICAL BLACK FOREST- WHICH IS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED NEAR HANNOVER, GERMANY.
MY MOM IS FROM HANNOVER, AND SHE'S SHORT LIKE AN ELF, DYSON IS A GERMAN NAME- SO IT IS PROBABLY TRUE.
AND IF IT ISN'T- LALALALALALALA FUCK YOU I'M NOT LISTENING.
NOW I AM OFF TO SPRITZ THINGS WITH ZERO ODOR- ALSO MAGIC...IT MADE THAT MILDEW-Y/ASS SMELL IN MY CAR DISAPPEAR...LIKE MAGIC.

IT'S ELFIN MAGICK I TELLS YA
SKWERL

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