1.17.2007

ASTROLOGY FOR THE REST OF US

FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW- IN ADDITION TO CULT LEADER, AND TAROT CARD COLLECTOR, I AM ALSO AN AMATUER ASTROLOGER.. I AM KEEN ON THE MOVEMENTS OF THE COSMOS. IT BRINGS A MEASURE OF COMFORT & UNDERSTANDING OF THE WORLD AS A WHOLE. I ALSO MAINTAIN A FEW DIFFERENT DAILY HOROSCOPE SUBSCRIPTIONS- SINCE AS THE HEAVENS LOOK DIFFERENT THOUGH THE EYES OF OTHERS, SO DO THE INTERPRETATIONS VARY BY ASTROLOGER. THE READINGS I DO ARE ALONG THE LINES OF PSYCHOLOGICAL, BEHAVIOURAL, INTERNAL MOTIVATION AS A MEANS TO EXCEL BECAUSE OF LIFE'S UPS AND DOWNS. PREDICTIONS AREN'T MY CUP OF TEA- WHAT FUN IS KNOWING EVERYTHING COMING AROUND THE BEND? (I SECRETLY ENJOY READING THEM.) WHICH BRINGS ME TO MONDAY'S ASTROSLAM, BY ASTROLOGY.COM.

Dear Shannon,
Here is your AstroSlamfor Monday, January 15:
Boycott all forms of technological communication today. There will nothing but bad news in your email inbox, and your phone is nothing more than a conduit to disaster.

L-O-FUCKING-L
SKWERL OF THE STARZ

1.15.2007

CORRESPONDANCE FROM SKWERL'S TREE

14 JAN. 2007
RE: YOU BEING AN ASSHOLE

DEAR LOUDMOUTHED ASSHOLE NEIGHBOUR;
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I DON'T NEED TO HEAR YOU SCREAMING AT YOUR WIFE & KIDS EVERY FUCKING DAY. I WORK NIGHTS YOU SNAGGLE TOOTHED DRUNKEN FUCKWIT. MY BEDROOM & LIVING ROOM WINDOWS ARE 10 FEET FROM YOUR HOMEY HELLSTEAD...AND I HEAR IT ALL.
FAILURE TO ADOPT SOME SEMBLANCE OF CIVILITY CAN & WILL INCUR MY SQUIRRELLY WRATH. SHOULD *MY* DISCOMFORT NOT PROVE ADEQUATE IMPETUS FOR CHANGE, LET ME APPEAL TO *YOURS*. THAT BOY OF YOURS WILL BE HITTING PUBERTY SOON ENOUGH...AND JUDGING BY HIS CURRENT RATE OF GROWTH HE'S GOING TO BE BIG ENOUGH TO BE ON THE DEFENSIVE LINE, WITH THE IMPULSE CONTROL OF, WELL A TEENAGE BOY. HE IS GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS FOR EVERYTIME YOU CALLED HIM A PUSSY, ASSHOLE OR LOSER. MY WISH IS THAT THE BOY BREAKS YOUR JAW. MAYBE 2 MONTHS OF JAW WIRED SILENCE & LIQUID DIET WILL CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
THE GIRL ON THE OTHER HAND, BREAKS MY HEART. YOU ARE HER MODEL OF HOW A MAN IS SUPPOSED TO TREAT A WOMAN. YOU HAVE SHOWN HER THAT AN IDEAL MATE IS A VERBALLY ABUSIVE, LAZY ALCOHOLIC UNEMPLOYED DOUCHEBAG THAT REQUIRES WOMEN TO MAKE HIS WAY FOR HIM. IF SHE'S LUCKY- SHE WILL DRAW THE CONNECTION THAT WHAT SHE WITNESSED WAS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT NOT TO DO. SADLY HISTORY ISN'T AS OPTIMISTIC AS I.
I PRAY THAT BOTH OF YOUR OFFSPRING HAVE THE INSTINCT TO REALIZE THIS ISN'T THEIR LEGACY, THERE IS KINDNESS & SUCCESS WAITING FOR THEM ONCE THEY STEP FROM THE "TRADITIONAL FAMILY ENVIRONMENT" YOU HAVE CREATED. THAT IS STILL A FEW YEARS AWAY.
SO IN THE MEANTIME- SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I START PLAYING HATEBREED & CHILDREN OF BODUM AT FULL BLAST AGAIN.

REGARDS,
SKWERL

P.S.: STOP HOGGING ALL THE PARKING, WANKER.

1.14.2007

SKWERL AVATAR MAKEOVER

I WAS A BIT BORED STARING AT THE SAME AVATAR DAY AFTER DAY SO I CHANGED IT UP A BIT. STILL A CARTOON, BUT LOOKS MORE LIKE SKWERL OFFLINE. SEE...











WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

1.13.2007

MY NAME IS RAMIREZ, OF THE CLAN RAMIREZ

SO ON MY NIGHT OFF...WHICH FOR REASONS I'D RATHER NOT GET IN TO- THURSDAY NIGHT FOUND ME IN FRONT OF MY LARGE GLORIOUS TV, MY DARLING MOTHER BOUGHT ME FOR CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I'M THE FAVOURITE NOW.

I WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE HIGHLANDER. IT'S A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE (EXCEPT THAT ANNOYING SCREAMING HALF WIT CHICK) BECAUSE AMONG SOME OF ITS ATTRIBUTES QUEEN DID THE SOUNDTRACK & SEAN CONNERY IS IN IT. HE IS THE MAN, A MAN'S' MAN- A MAN AMONG MEN.

FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION: IF YOU LOOK UP THE WORD AWESOME AND YOU WILL FIND SEAN CONNERY GIVING A ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO CHUCK NORRIS, SHOOTING VIN DIESEL WITH HIS LASER BEAM EYES WHILE BITCH SLAPPING MR T LIKE THE WHORE HE IS.

ANYWAY- SEAN CONNERY'S CHARACTER IS NAMED RAMIREZ...NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT NAME. IT IS A FINE SPANISH NAME MEANING RAMIREZ. (J/K) WHATEVER. NOW HAVING SEEN QUITE A FEW OF HIS PERFORMANCES, I HAVE NOTICED HE HAS QUITE A BIT OF RANGE, BUT NO ABILITY TO NOT SOUND SCOTTISH. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY BONE OF CONTENTION: IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD HAS THERE EVER BEEN A SCOTSMAN CALLED RAMIREZ? I'M NOT SCOTISHOLOGIST BUT, I FIND THAT HIGHLY UNLIKELY. "AHGH LASSIE, ME NAME IS RAMIREZ, OF THE CLAN RAMIREZ- LET ME TAKE YE AWAY, AND WE'LL HAVE HAGGIS."

I THINK NOT
SKWERL

1.09.2007

SCARY NOISES OF THE WILD

Current mood: UM, IT'S DANGEROUS OUT THERE- BETTER TAKE THIS

I JUST GOT BACK FROM MY 4AM CIGARETTE. I CUT IT SHORT DUE TO SCARY WILDERNESS NOISES NEARBY. UNSURE OF WHAT IT WAS, I DECIDED NOT TO LEAVE MY FATE TO THE WORLD'S MOST INEFFECTUAL SECURITY GUARD.

IT WENT LIKE THIS: RAAAAAAAAAAHWR RAAAAAAAAAAHWR RAAAAAAAAAAHWR.

WHAT THE HELL MAKES THAT KIND OF NOISE? CHUPA CABRA? JERSEY DEVIL? (I DOUBT THE JERSEY DEVIL THOUGH, IT DIDN'T SAY YO' HEY YOU.) ONE OF MY EXES? DEMON RABBIT?

WHO KNOWS.
SEKRIT SKWERL

1.03.2007

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

Current mood: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

BLAH BLAH BLAH- MEN. BLAH BLAH BLAH- BASTARDS. BLAH BLAH BLAH- DIE DIE DIE. BLAH BLAH BLAH WRATH WRATH WRATH. BLAH BLAH BLAH- RWANDA. BLAH BLAH BLAH...

OH JUST WATCH THE FUCKING FILM

http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-be-the-perfect-girlfriend

I'M TIRED
NOW PISS OFF

1.01.2007

HAS SKWERL BECOME BRIDGET JONES?

Current mood: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE-VALENTINE'S DAY IS NIGH

HAPPIEST & JOYOUS OF NEW YEARS TO ALL!
THE SAVING GRACE OF JANUARY IS NEW YEARS DAY. WE MAKE RESOLUTIONS, AVOWING BRIGHT AND BRILLIANT CHANGE- TRANSFORMATIONS APLENTY!
(REALITY CHECK: STATISTICALLY, MOST WILL PUSS OUT BY THE 18TH, SO DON'T SIGN UP FOR THE YEAR MEMBERSHIP- OK?)
REALITY CHECK ASIDE, THE HANGING OF A NEW CALENDAR FILLS ME WITH PROMISE. I HAVE A WHOLE YEAR OF SUCCESSES (AND BULLSHIT) TO MAKE A WAKE THRU. ALL NEW UNTAPPED SPRINGS OF WRATHINESS AND EQUAL MEASURES OF BLINDING INSIGHT!
WHAT A WAY TO START! WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY POINT...I SPENT NEW YEAR'S EVE AT WORK, AND WATCHED ONE OF MY FAVOURITE MOVIES 'BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY' & 'BRIDGET JONES: THE EDGE OF REASON' AND THEN IT OCCURRED TO ME...I AM BRIDGET JONES!
LET'S SEE: I'M SINGLE, EDUCATED, WITTY, AND AFRAID TO DIE FAT & ALONE ONLY TO BE DISCOVERED 3 WEEKS LATER HALF EATEN BY WILD DOGS.
I ALSO WADE THRU A SEA OF DANIEL CLEEVER'S, WITH THEIR SILVER TONGUED DOUCHEBAGGERY & HEARTBREAK- ALL IN SEARCH OF MY MR. DARCY.
I HAVE MADE PROGRESS IN MY PERSONAL LIFE BY CLEARING MY HEAD OF AS MUCH BULLSHIT AS I CAN IN ORDER TO EVADE & RECOVER FROM THE DANIEL CLEEVER'S THAT HAVE CROSSED MY PATH.
WELL, IN THE MEANTIME- I'LL KEEP SWIMMING. HAPPY NEW YEAR'S WRATHKETEERS.
SKWERL LANG SYNE