BIKE HELMETS, BAND-AIDS & BACTINE

Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Current mood: WISTFULL



WRATHFULL GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS FOAMINIONS!
SPRING IS SOON TO FALL UPON US, AS IS THE IMPENDING WAVE OF HALF-WITTED CHILDREN AND THEIR HYPER-PROTECTIVE PARENTS READY TO EMBRACE MOTHER NATURE...AND SANITIZE HER FOR THEIR PROTECTION.
WHEN I WAS A KID THE COMING OF SPRING HERALDED THE RETURN OF WARM AIR, TREE CLIMBING, BIKE RIDING AND THE ANNUAL RESTOCKING OF THE FIRST AID KIT. I CAN STILL RECALL THE PLASTICY BAND AID SMELL, THE STING AND FIZZ OF BACTINE...THE MERCUROCHROME BUNNIES MOM WOULD DRAW ON MY ASSORTED BOOBOOS & OWIES. GOOD TIMES.
LIKE ALL GOOD THINGS, THEY COME TO AN UNPLEASANT AND WIMPERING END. TODAYS CHILDREN ARE CREEPY, ISOLATED GAMERS. THEIR PASTY COUNTENANCE IS OBSCURED BY A FRINGE OF EMO PUNK WANNABE HAIR. IF ONE DOES VENTURE INTO THE OUTSIDE WORLD THEY ARE SHRINK WRAPPED, SLATHERED IN ANTIBACTERIAL GEL AND COVERED IN MORE PADDING & EQUIPMENT THAN A LINE BACKER FOR THE GIANTS. THESE CHILDREN WILL NEVER KNOW THE TINGLY AGONY THAT IS A SCRAPED KNEE, THE ECSTACY OF THE FIVE SECOND RULE TWINKIE- THE JOY OF GETTING DIRTIER THAN A COAL MINER. THESE SAME SANITARY CHILDREN HAVE NO NATURAL IMMUNITY, AND GET SICK CONSTANTLY. TRULY A SAD COMMENTARY OF THE TIMES.
WE DIDN'T HAVE BIKE HELMETS, WE HAD TUCK AND ROLL. WE HAD BLOOD AND GLORY FROM JUMPING OUR BIKES OVER ANYTHING STATIONARY. WE FELL FROM TREES, PORCHES, STAIRS AND OVER OUR OWN FEET. WE WOULD PLAY UNTIL THE STREET LIGHTS CAME ON, CAME HOME WHEN WE WERE THICKLY ENCRUSTED WITH ALL MANNERS OF FILTH- AND WERE HOSED DOWN LIKE CIVIL RIGHTS PROTESTERS BEFORE BEING ALLOWED INTO THE HOUSE- AFTER ALL THAT WE HAD THE SLEEP OF THE RIGHTEOUS AND DID IT AGAIN THE NEXT DAY. WE BUILT TREE FORTS, HAD SECRET CLUBS...PET FUNERALS AND THE ICE CREAM MAN. WE KNEW NO FEAR...EXCEPT COOTIES. THOSE WERE THE DAYS MY WRATHFUL FRIENDS!
WHEN I WAS A CHEERLEADER IN HIGH SCHOOL (I KNOW- SHOCKING.) WE HAD A CHEER "KNOCK 'EM DOWN, ROLL 'EM ROUND- A LITTLE DIRT WON'T HURT!" THESE ARE WISE WORDS TO LIVE BY. IF YOU HAVE OR ARE PLANNING TO HAVE KIDS- TURN OFF THE GAME SYSTEM & TV- LET 'EM OUT, GET GOOD AND DIRTY- LET THEM BE KIDS IN ALL THEIR FILTHY GLORY...THEY WILL THANK YOU FOR IT.
SW