8.31.2006

PEOPLE IN NEED OF A VIOLENT BEATING...VOL 7

PEOPLE IN NEED OF A VIOLENT BEATING...VOL 7

GREETINGS MY WRATHFUL BRETHREN...
THE LATEST INDUCTEES TO THE PINVB HALL OF FAME ARE *drumroll* CRYBABY CELEBRITIES WHO THINK WE SHOULD ADOPT THEIR POLITICS *tadaaaah*

AS I PERUSED MY EMAIL TODAY A LITTLE ARTICLE CAUGHT MY EYE..."KANYE WEST SAYS BEST VIDEO NOT NOMINATED" (AP NEWS)
"WAAAH, MY VIDEO WASN'T NOMINATED, YOU'RE ALL AGAINST ME WAAAH, GEORGE BUSH HATES BLACK PEOPLE WAAAH, I'M NOT INSULTING CHRISTIANS ON MY ROLLING STONE COVER- I'M AN ARTISTE WAAAAH."
OH BOO-FUCKING-HOO...NOT EVERYONE SEES THINGS YOUR WAY MR. WEST, AND LAST I CHECKED GETTING SIGNED TO A LABEL DOESN'T IMMEDIATELY IMPART HIGHER POLITICAL IDEALS OR INSIGHT....SO DISPENSE WITH THE INFANTILE POUTING.

THEN WE HAVE THE 'ACTORS' WHO TRY TO STRONGARM US INTO BACKING THEIR IDEALOGICAL CANDIDATES. REMEMBER IN 2000 WHEN BALDWIN & STREISAND THREATED TO LEAVE THE U.S. IF GEORGE BUSH WON.
WELL GEORGE BUSH WON,--AAAAAAND THEY'RE STILL HERE- DESPITE GENEROUS OFFERS BY THE PUBLIC RANGING FROM TO TAKE THEM TO THE AIRPORT TO PIGGY BAG RIDE/SWIM THEM TO FRANCE.

TOO MANY OF THESE CELEBRITIES FORGET TO PUT UP OR SHUT UP. WE WATCH YOUR MOVIES OR HEAR YOUR MUSIC BECAUSE IT'S ENTERTAINMENT. MOST FOLKS DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS WHAT YOU THINK POLITICALLY. IF YOU CARE SO MUCH, HOW ABOUT DOING SOMETHING OTHER THAN BREAKING OUT THE CHECKBOOK OR SINGING A SONG AT A BENEFIT (WHICH SOMETIMES IS A PAID PERFORMANCE.)

HOWEVER, THERE ARE A FEW CELEBRITIES I DO ADMIRE IN THEIR CHARITABLE WORKS- ALTHOUGH I DON'T NECESSARILY AGREE WITH THEM POLITICALLY. FOR EXAMPLE- FELLOW JERSEY GIRL SUSAN SARANDON IS A VERY GENEROUS WITH HER TIME AND ACTUALLY GETS HER HANDS DIRTY IN SOME OF THE MOST POVERTY STRICKEN PARTS OF THE WORLD, AS DOES ANGELINA JOLIE & TIM ROBBINS. AUDREY HEPBURNS FIGHT AGAINST FAMINE FOR THE UN IS LEGENDARY & WITHOUT A DOUBT WON HER A PLACE IN HEAVEN.

NOW ITS TIME TO GO WATCH SOME POLITIC-FREE CARTOONAGE!
SKWERL

8.28.2006

MY CUBICLE


TYPICAL MONDAY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE:
IS THIS IS WHY I CUT HAIR & LIVED ON MAC & CHEESE IN COLLEGE?
WHO THE FUCK DID I PISS OFF?
THE WAGES OF SIN ISN'T DEATH...IT'S MY JOB.
IS IT 8 AM YET. AW FUCK- IT'S 12:30
HMMM...I WANT BEEF JERKY.
OOHH- TWIZZLERS.
MY MOUTH DOESN'T FEEL HAPPY- STUPID TWIZZLERS.
TIME FOR CuteOverload....AAAAHH BUNNIES!
IS IT 8 AM YET? AW FUCK- 12:32.
FOR THE LOVE OF FOAMY...SHOOT ME
SKWERL

8.17.2006

FUNNY PICTURES I MADE @ WORK


MR ROGERS IS THE SHIZ!

IT'S A HELL OF A DAY IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD,
IT'S A HELL OF A DAY TO BE A NEIGHBOUR!
AND TO BE WRATHFUL, EVEN CRANKY!

ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SHOWS GROWING UP (AND I STILL WATCH IT SPORADICALLY) IS MR. ROGER'S NEIGHBOURHOOD. I LOOKED FORWARD TO HEARING HIS CALM & REASSURING VOICE, AND THE NEAT THINGS WE WOULD LEARN EVERY DAY. I LEARNED TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT OR 4 BECAUSE OF MY DAILY DOSE OF PBS. I ALSO DEVELOPED THE HABIT OF CHANGING MY SHOES & INTO COMFY CLOTHES WHEN I GET HOME.
THE SHOW WAS QUITE REVOLUTIONARY WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT IN THE EARLY 60'S, AND THE SAME THINGS THAT MAKE IT GREAT ARE WHAT KEEP IT ON IN SYNDICATION TO THIS DAY. KIDS NEED THAT SAFE & REASSURING PLACE. SADLY IN THIS HYPERACTIVE WORLD THAT IS RARE TO FIND AT HOME...BUT IT'S ALWAYS ON CHANNEL 13.


SO HERE'S TO YOU MR ROGERS...BEST...NEIGHBOUR...EVER!
SKWERL

8.16.2006

JERKY, THE OTHER MEAT

DEAR GOD IT'S ONLY 0400....
WRATHFUL GREETINGS ALL. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO UPDATE THE MYSPACE BLOG FOR 2 DAYS, AND I AM STILL QUITE UNSUCCESSFUL. STUPID WORK PC AND ITS "RULES"

RECENTLY I HAVE BEGUN A LOVE AFFAIR WITH BEEF JERKY, TERIYAKI FLAVOUR TO BE PRECISE. TRUE IT HAS THE TEXTURE OF MY PURSE, AND IS PROBABLY MADE FROM COW LIPS AND ASSES- BUT DAMMIT IT IS QUITE TASTY. ITS SORT OF LIKE MEAT FLAVOURED GUM. IT'S QUITE FILLING TOO.
I SEE IT THIS WAY MILLIONS OF PIONEERS CAN'T BE WRONG...EVEN IF THEY ARE DEAD.

ALL HAIL THE JERKY!!!!
SKWERL

8.15.2006

PEOPLE IN NEED OF A VIOLENT BEATING, VOL 6

GREETING OH THE WRATHIEST OF THE WRATHFUL
IN MY ONGOING SERIES- PEOPLE WHO NEED A VIOLENT BEATING I FOCUS ON RABID SPORTS FANATICS. THIS STORY COMES BY THE WAY OF BEIJING CHINA, DURING THE WORLD CUP....ENJOY!

FAN SAVES TV FROM BURNING HOUSE (6/29/06)

Reuter's-Beijing - A Beijing soccer fan refused to let the small matter of his house burning down disturb his enjoyment of Tuesday's World Cup match between France and Spain.
A fire broke out in a hutong in the centre of the Chinese capital at 03:00 local time on Wednesday - kick-off time in Hanover - and gutted the traditional courtyard dwelling, the Beijing Daily Messenger reported.
"When the neighbours shouted 'fire!', I took my little baby and ran out in my nightclothes," the man's wife told the paper.
"My husband paid no attention to the danger, just grabbed the television and put it under his arm.
"After getting out of the house, he then set about finding an electric socket to plug in and continue watching his game."
The anti-social timing of the matches broadcast from Germany, which is six hours behind China, has forced some Chinese fans to go to great lengths to follow the action.
One man quit his job in Beijing to return to his hometown Chongqing so he could watch the whole tournament uninterrupted.
State news agency Xinhua reported that the 23-year-old's boss at the IT company had offered him a pay rise, but he turned it down flat, saying the World Cup was more important than his job.
The Guangzhou Daily reported that local police were forced to release a thief arrested for stealing a mobile phone when the victim refused to press charges because he did not want to miss the start of a match.
Although there are also many female World Cup fans in China, one man in the south-eastern city had to sign a contract with his wife agreeing to do all the housework during the month of the finals so he could watch the matches at night.
Another from Putian, Fujian province, took a less diplomatic approach, Xinhua reported.
When his cheers during the Argentina-Ivory Coast match woke his wife and she switched off the television, he locked her in their bedroom and settled back down to watch the game ignoring her loud protests.

8.09.2006

GREETING WRATHKETEERS!

WELCOME TO THE NEW HOME OF SQUIRRELYWRATH!
I NEEDED A BIT MORE SPACE TO SPEW MY WRATHY GOODNESS-AND WHICH HASN'T BEEN BLOCKED BY MOST WORK BASED INTRANETS. THE ORIGINAL MYSPACE PAGE WILL REMAIN, AND YOU CAN CATCH NEW POSTINGS ON BOTH SITES.

SPREAD THE PLAGUE!
SKWERL

8.07.2006

SNOWY GREETINGS FELLOW WRATHKETEERS!!!

Monday, February 13, 2006
Current mood: VENGEFUL


SNOWY GREETINGS FELLOW WRATHKETEERS!!!
WELL THE NORTHEAST HAS SURVIVED MOTHER NATURE'S ALL ENCOMPASSING WRATH. PROPS TO THE EARTH MOMMY. I, ON THE OTHERHAND AM LEFT SORE, COLD AND UNMOTIVATED...BUT HEY, IT'S WINTER- A SEASON KNOWN FOR IT'S SOUL CRUSHING QUALITIES.
MY NEIGHBOURS ADD TO THIS *WINTRY MORASS* BY JUST BEING NEIGHBOURS. DAY AFTER DAY I AM GREETED WITH A LOVELY VIEW OF BROKEN BIKES, LITTER AND DESPAIR. ON TRASH DAY MY NEIGBOURHOOD IS BLANKETED WITH A WIND DRIVEN SHITSTORM OF LITTER, BEER CANS AND BROKEN DREAMS. YAY!
BUT I HAVE BEGUN TO EXACT MY REVENGE! I- DEAR WRATHKETEERS- FEED SQUIRRELS. TO BE MORE PRECISE: I FEED THE SQUIRRELS THAT LIVE IN THE LOCAL TREES AND MY SLOVENLY NEIGHBOURS SOFFETS-BWAHAHAHAHAHA
MY SQUIRRELLY MINIONS ARE SURELLY GOING TO DRIVE THEM INSANE WITH THEIR UNENDING SCRATCHING AND CHATTER. NOT TO MENTION THE YEARS OF HEEBIE-JEEBIES DUE TO THE SAME UNHOLY RACKET OCCURING NIGHT AFTER NIGHT.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA- BASTARDS!!!!

DICK CHENEY: ARMED CLOD OR HERO?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Current mood: APATHETIC


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY MY FELLOW WRATHKETEERS!!!
SNOOTY/ERUDITE QUOTE OF THE DAY: kill all the lawyers! Wm Shakespeare

TODAYS DOSE OF WRATHY GOODNESS COMES FROM ONE OF MY MOST FAVOURITE PARTS OF THE WORLD: TEXAS
FOR THE 2ND TIME IN AS MANY CENTURIES A SITTING VICE-PRESIDENT HAS SHOT SOMEBODY!
FOR THOSE OF YOU LIVING UNDER ROCKS OR LOCKED IN THE ATTIC THE VICE PRESIDENT (NO NOT AARON BURR- READ A PAPER SHUT-IN) WAS INVOLVED IN AN *ACCIDENTAL* ;-) SHOOTING. I USE *ACCIDENTAL* WITH SOME AMBIVILANCE. (sp?) THE RESULTING UPROAR FROM THE NATIONAL PRESS IS LAUGHABLE. THEY'RE ALL 'WAAAAH YOU DIDN'T TELL US RIGHT AWAY' 'YOU'RE HIDING STUFF FROM US, WAAAAH.' ALL BECAUSE THEY WERE SCOOP BY THE LOCAL PENNYSAVER. FUCKING CRYBABIES.
IT'S NOT LIKE THEY WERE SKEET SHOOTING IN THE BASEMENT OR AT A GUN RANGE...THEN I COULD SEE THE SUSPICION BEING A VALID REACTION- AND DICK WOULD HAVE SOME 'SPLAININ TO DO. THE ANIMUS AGAINST OLD DICK SEEMS VINDICTIVE, MISDIRECTED AND I JUST DON'T GET IT.
COME ON- HE DID SHOOT A LAWYER- SO FOR SOME HE HAS GAINED SOME RESPECT- POSSIBLY ADMIRATION...ESPECIALLY IF IT WAS *accidental* ;-)
I DON'T SEE OLD 'NOSEEUM' CHENEY GOING HUNTING WITH GB JUNIOR ANYTIME SOON...BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE A BAR ASSOCIATION HUNTING WEEKEND IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

IT'S JUST A THOUGHT

A ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER & A DREAM

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Current mood: INSPIRED



I HAVE A DREAM MY FELLOW FOAMINIAN WRATHKETEERS, A DREAM LIKE NO OTHER...IT'S A VISION, REALLY:TO WANDER THE EARTH AND HIT STUPID PEOPLE IN THE HEAD WITH A ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER. ESPECIALLY WHILE THEY ARE IN THE ACT OF BEING STUPID. FOR EXAMPLE: THE JACKASS WITH 50 ITEMS AT THE SUPERMARKET'S 5 ITEMS OR LESS CHECKSTAND NEEDS A SLAP. THE GUY WHO SAYS "HOT ENOUGH FOR YA?" IN AUGUST JUST NEEDS A GOOD OLD FASHIONED BEATING.
THE URGE TO PUMMEL RANDOM JACKASSES WITH THE STYLE SECTION OF THE NY TIMES CANNOT BE REPRESSED OR IGNORED. THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY IGNORAMI RUNNING ABOUT UNCHECKED AND THEIR WANTON IDIOCY IS SPREADING. A GOOD SLAP UPSIDE THE HEAD IS USUALLY ENOUGH TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO MOST FOLKS.
I THINK HEAD SMACK SQUADS ARE THE WAY TO GO- IT'S THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE. IT MAY BE OUR ONLY HOPE- BUT IT WOULD DEFINITELY BE FUN!

THE TINFOIL HAT PARANOIA LIST- VOL II

Sunday, February 19, 2006
Current mood: WRATHFUL


GREETING WRATHKETEERS!
I BRING YOU THE *UPDATED* TINFOIL HAT PARANOIA LIST:
TOM CRUISE & THE CRUISE SPAWN CARRYING VEHICLE, KATE
WINDOW AIR CONDITIONERS (FALLING ON ME)
OPRAH (HER FREAKISHLY LARGE HEAD & PLANS ON WORLD DOMINATION)
GETTING PUSHED INTO A GARBAGE TRUCK AND SMOOSHED
TANKER TRUCKS (KA-BOOM)
THE FORD PINTO (SAME REASON, KA-BOOM)
THE MULLET, GOTTA FEAR THE MULLET
BRITNEY SPEARS' ABILITY TO PROCREATE...WHY GOD , WHY-YOU ALREADY GAVE US ARKANSAS?
HUNTING WITH DICK CHANEY
GINGER KIDS- THEY HAVE NO SOULS
MY BASEMENT, BY THE OIL TANK- EWW CREEPY, ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT
THE CREEPY GUY WHO LIVES UP THE STREET (HE HAS A PEDO-SMILE-ICK)
PEOPLE WHO HAVE WAY TOO MUCH CUTESY SHIT IN THEIR WORKSPACE- THEY'RE HIDING SOMETHING (LIKE BODIES), NOBODY'S THAT SWEET.
LARRY KING- HIS WIFE IS LIKE 30, HE'S 90 AND HIS SUCKJOB SHOW IS STILL ON CNN- I THINK HE SOLD HIS SOUL...TO THE GINGER KIDS

AS ALWAYS- THE LIST IS UPDATED AS MY PARANOIA GROWS.
HAIL FOAMY

MY INNER REDNECK

Monday, February 20, 2006
Current mood: RED-NEKKID

FOAMINIAN GREETINGS WRATHKETEERS!
THIS SUNDAY I INDULGED MY INNER REDNECK DURING INTERMITTENT BOUTS OF INSOMNIA- BY WATCHING NASCAR...SOBER
NO BEER...
NOT A DROP...
IT DIDN'T GO WELL.
AT LEAST TONY STEWART DIDN'T WIN- THERE IS A GOD.
YOU SEE MY FELLOW FOA-MINIONS, DEPITE ALL THE DEATH METAL, PASTY SKIN AND JERSEY FRESH HOSTILITY- I DO HAVE AN INNER REDNECK- AND IT MUST BE APPEASED!
SOMETIMES IT IS WITH BISCUITS AND GRAVY OR CRAPPY PISSWATER BEER (SOMETIMES DELIVERED VIA BEERBONG) HEAVENLY BARBECUED RIBS: TYPICAL REDNECK CUISINE....BUT SOMETIMES THAT JUST ISN'T ENOUGH.
SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA WATCH THE NASCAR ON THE MOVIN' PICHER BOX. OH WELL..AND CONGRATS JIMMIE JOHNSON FOR MAKING TONY STEWART YOUR BITCH.

A LITTLE TASTE OF ARABIA

Thursday, February 23, 2006
Current mood: APOPLECTIC WITH RAGE


WRATHFUL GREETINGS MY FELLOW FOA-MINIONS:
THIS IS THE KIND OF NEWS WEEK THAT JOURNALISTS & LATE NITE TALK SHOW HOSTS HAVE WET DREAMS ABOUT..NOT ONE BUT TWO OUTRAGEOUSLY TASTY STORIES: DICK CHANEY: THE LAWYER STALKER AND THE UAE STATE OWNED COMPANY TAKING OVER OPERATIONS OVER OUR PORTS.
LET ME ABSORB THAT FOR A MOMENT.......OUTSOURCE PORT MANAGEMENT TO A COUNTRY OWNED COMPANY THAT RECOGNISES THE TALIBAN- ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?
SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT- THE NSA MAY BE LISTENING IN ON ALL OF MY CALLS, USING SOFTWARE TO PICK OUT POTENTIALLY TERRORIST-Y SOUNDING WORDS- WITHOUT A WARRANT- TO KEEP US SAFE....BUT WILL TURN OVER PORT OPERATIONS TO A COUNTRY WHOSE COOPERATION IN THE DAYS AFTER 9/11 WAS LESS THAN FORTHCOMING, AS WAS THEIR DEALINGS WITH SAID SUSPICIOUS INDIVIDUALS THAT ALL THIS EAVESDROPPING IS SUPPOSSED TO PROTECT US FROM.
TO MAKE IT SOUND PLAUSIBLE- THE SAME OLD MERCHANT MARINES, COAST GUARD AND LONGSHOREMEN WILL STILL PERFORM THEIR JOB AS NORMAL. WE JUST NEED TO BE MORE OPENED MINDED TO OUR FRIENDS IN THE UAE, ACCORDING TO JUNIOR.
WHAT IN THE FLYING BLUE F*CKETY HELL IS THE MESSAGE I AM SUPPOSED TO GLEAN FROM THAT PILE OF HORSESH*T? THE DEPT OF HOMELAND SECURITY MAIN PURPOSE IS TO PROFILE AND SEGREGATE THE FOLKS THAT ARE TRYING TO KILL US IN ALL SORTS OF NASTY WAYS...BUT WE NEED TO BE LESS "PREJUDICED" AND JUST TRUST ME, YEAH OK- WHATEVER. THERE ARE FEW PHRASES THAT CAN DESTROY CONFIDENCE WITH JUST A FEW SYLLABLES.
FOR EXAMPLE: THE CHECK IS IN THE MAIL
I THINK IT BROKE/GOT LOST
WE'RE SEPARATED, THE DIVORCE IS ALMOST FINISHED
YOU CAN TRUST ME
NO GOOD HAS EVER COME AFTER THESE PHRASES WERE UTTERED.
I AM A CONSERVATIVE, I DON'T HIDE IT- I WON'T APOLOGISE FOR IT...I FEEL THERE IS WAAAAY TO MUCH GOVERMENT IN OUR LIVES. THE SAME OVERINTRUSIVE GOVERNMENT IS ALSO ENCOURAGING INDUSTRY TO OUTSOURCE LUCRATIVE SECTORS AND DRAIN THE MIDDLE CLASS OF EVERY RED CENT OF HARD EARNED CASH- POTENTIALLY RESULTING IN THE SAME TYPE OF ECONOMIC NIGHTMARE OF THE LATE 1800'S YOU WERE EITHER A ROBBER BARON OR DIRT POOR...PROBABLY THE FORMER SINCE THERE WAS ONLY ROOM FOR ABOUT 10 OF THE LATTER. WHEN FELLOW CONSERVATIVES START SAYING "TRUST ME" I GET REALLY NERVOUS, AND BRACE FOR THE IMPENSING SH*TSTORM OF LIES AND RHETORIC THAT IS SURE TO FOLLOW.
IT IS SHIT LIKE THIS THAT AGITATES ME INTO A LATHER OF APOPLECTIC RAGE, FOAMINAN WRATH AND A LITTLE BIT OF INDIGESTION.
THE COMING DAYS WILL SURELY BE A TREAT FOR THE EARS.
ROCK ON-

SKWERL

TIME FOR FLUFFY BUNNIES

Friday, February 24, 2006
Current mood: AWWWWWWWWWW

GREETINGS FOA-MINIONS AND WRATHKETEERS,
TODAY I TOOK A BREAK FROM ALL MY APOPLECTIC RAGE AND DISMAY FOR A CUTE BREAK. A MOMENT OF FLUFFY BUN BUN PUPPY KITTEN ZEN TO TAKE THE EDGE OFF. WHAT I DO IS HEAD OVER TO www.cuteoverload.com AND DRINK IN ALL THE FLUFFY CUDDLY GOODNESS I CAN HANDLE.
JUST LOOK AT THE BABY BUNBUN...IT'S SO CUTE AND FUZZY AND SLEEPY- I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN THE AWWWWWWWWW.
IT REALLY STOPS THE WAILING OF THE TORTURED SOUL WITHIN- I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.
JUST A THOUGHT

LETS MEET OUR NEWEST WRATHKETEER....

Saturday, February 25, 2006

FOAMINAN GREETINGS FELLOW WRATHKETEERS:
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE OUR LATEST RECRUIT, CHRISTINE.
WRATHKETEER CHRISTINE IS OUR NEWEST RISING STAR, SHOWING US ALL THAT THE BEST WAY TO EXPRESS RAGE AND DISDAIN IS WITH A SMILE AND PLEASANT DEMEANOR.
SQUIRRELY WRATH: WELCOME CHRISTINE
CONGREGATION:WHOOOOOO
CHRISTINE: HI, GREAT TO BE HERE
SW: WHEN DID YOU GET THE CALLING TO BECOME A WRATHKETEER?
C: NOT LONG AFTER SERVING THE PUBLIC- I REALISED MOST PEOPLE ARE STUPID AND ANGER ME, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW THEY'RE STUPID...I NEEDED A PLACE TO HARNESS ALL THAT RAW ANGST INTO ACTION- I FOUND THAT IN THE ALMIGHTY CHURCH OF FOAMY.
CONG: YEAH F*CK THOSE BASTARDS!
SW: ALRIGHT QUIET DOWN! PLEASE DO CONTINUE.
C: WELL, YOU KNOW HOW LIKE EVERYTHING IS OUT SOURCED TO INDIA, AND THESE CUSTOMER SERVICE PERSONNEL LEARNED ENGLISH BY READING RELIEF SUPPLIES FROM UNICEF AND OLD PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS...BUT GET PISSED AT YOU WHEN YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM AND START SAYING WEIRD CURSES LIKE: "BY THE MANY ARMS OF VISHNU I TWIST MY NIPPLES IN DISDAIN"...I JUST HAD IT..IT WAS EITHER THEM OR ME- AND BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL IT SURE AS SH*T WASN'T THEIR DAY..HEEHEE THANK YOU COME AGAIN. DING!
SW: MY, THE WRATH IS STRONG IN THIS ONE...YOU, MISS ARE A BASTARD COVERED BASTARD, WITH A CREAMY EVIL CENTRE- COVERED IN A SWEET CANDY SHELL....I AM SO PROUD THAT YOU CAN JOIN US IN OUR WRATHFUL CAMPAIGN- SPREAD THE PLAGUE...
ALL: FOAMY!!!

MEETING MINUTES: 02/25/05

SO YOU WANT TO WORK MIDNIGHTS....

Monday, February 27, 2006
Current mood: INSTRUCTIONAL


GREETINGS WRATHKETEERS!
AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, I WORK NIGHTS. I LOVE IT- YAY. I HAVE NOTICED AS OF LATE, MANY FOLKS ARE LOOKING TO GIVE THE DARK SIDE A TRY. CHANGING SHIFTS IS A DECISION THAT SHOULDN'T BE MADE RASHLY. THERE ARE A FEW THINGS YOU NEED TO CONSIDER BEFORE JOINING THE "GRAVEYARD SHIFT"...

1. IT'S DARK AT NIGHT, SO IF YOU HAVE SUFFER FROM XEROPHALMIA (NIGHTBLINDNESS) YOU MAY WANT TO RECONSIDER- NIGHTSHIFTERS DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR SEEING-EYE DOG. CONSIDER A DAY J0B OR A HELPER MONKEY

2. THE URGE TO NAP IS STRONG, IF YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT GETTING FIRED- GREAT. IF NOT- ASK YOUR FELLOW NIGHTWORKERS WHERE ALL THE GOOD NAPPING PLACES ARE. DON'T BOGART THE DESIGNATED NAP AREA- WE NEED REST TOO.

3. NIGHTSHIFTERS ARE NOTORIOUSLY XENOPHOBIC.THE NIGHTSHIFTER IS WORLD RENOWNED FOR ITS PALE SKIN DUE TO LACK OF NATURAL LIGHT AND AVERSION TO OUTSIDERS. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR THEM TO ACKNOWLEDGE AND ACCEPT YOU INTO THEIR TRIBE. DON'T BE OFFENDED- IT IS OUR WAY.

4. HAVE RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION. A SURE WAY TO GET YOURSELF ALIENATED FROM YOUR NEW COWORKERS IS TO GLOM RIDES OFF OF THEM...ESPECIALLY IN THE MORNING WHEN THEY ARE BARELY AWAKE ENOUGH TO MAKE IT TO THEIR OWN DOMICILE- NOW THEY HAVE TO LEARN WHERE YOURS IS.

5. BOREDOM IS COMMON SIDE EFFECT FOR THE NIGHTSHIFTER. IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP YOURSELF BUSY. YOUR COWORKERS ARE THERE TO WORK/SLEEP...NOT TO KEEP YOU ENTERTAINED. IF YOU'RE BORED- GET AN IMAGINARY FRIEND OR A HOBBY LIKE KNITTING. KNITTING IS THE BARBARIC PRACTICE OF USING TWO POINTED STICKS AND STRING TO FORM CLOTH. THIS CLOTH CAN BE FASHIONED INTO A SCARF, AFGHAN OR GARROTTE.

6. DRINK LOTS OF MILK. BEWARE OF THE DREADED DISEASE RICKETS- A DEFICIENCY OF VITAMIN D WHICH IS GOTTEN FROM SUNLIGHT OR COWS...RICKETS IS COMMON AMONG PEOPLE IN OUR ELITE SOCIAL CIRCLE: PIRATES, NINJAS, VAMPIRES AND NUNS. THERE IS NO ROOM IN OUR GROUP FOR BOWLEGGED HUNCHBACKS. AN ADDITIONAL SOURCE OF VITAMIN D CAN BE FOUND AT YOUR LOCAL TANNING SALON- BUT BE ADVISED ANY ATTEMPT AT A FAKE BAKE WILL BE MET WITH MOCKERY AND EVENTUAL OSTRACISATION AND BANISHMENT FROM THE TRIBE.

IF YOU FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE GUIDELINES, YOU TO CAN ESHEW THE FETTERS IMPOSED BY THE DAYWALKERS AND BECOME A CHILD OF THE NIGHT.

WRATHKETEER SPOTLIGHT ON----MY MOM!

Friday, March 03, 2006
Current mood: IN AWE



FOA-MINION GREETINGS WRATHKETEERS!
TODAY I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY MOM. GREAT GAL, SHE MADE ME AFTER ALL.
WELL LET'S SEE, SHE'S BLONDE, 5'2" AND HER DEMEANOUR IS THAT OF A PIT BULL NINJA PIRATE & JOHN WAYNE BRAND TOILET PAPER...YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN SHE'LL STRIKE SHE IS ROUGH AS HELL AND DON'T TAKE SHIT OFF OF ANYONE. SHE LIKES NEIL DIAMOND, IS REALLY A SILLY BLONDE AND IS FROM GERMANY. DID I MENTION SHE'S A BLONDE...YOU KNOW BLLLLLLOOOOOOOONNNNNNNDDDDE.
I LIKE MY MOM- SHE'S KINDA KEWL. IF I WAS NOT RELATED TO HER- I WOULD HANG OUT WITH HER...I WOULD NEVER LET HER WRITE OR PROOFREAD FOR ME. HER WRITING SKILLS ARE HORRIFYINGLY BAD, AS IS HER GRAMMAR, SPELLING AND PUNCTUATION.
GRANTED, ENGLISH IS NOT HER NATIVE TONGUE- BUT SHE CAME HERE WHEN SHE WAS 9. I THINK THAT IS PLENTY OF TIME TO GET RIGHT WITH MR. SENTENCE STRUCTURE AND MRS. SPELLING.
RECENTLY, A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY DIED- MY MOM (BLESS HER) TOOK UP HER KEYBOARD AND WROTE THE FAMILY A SYMPHONY NOTE(YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT.) EVERY LAST SENTENCE IS SEARED INTO MY BRAIN WITH SOME OF THE SCARIEST GRAMMAR I HAVE EVER SEEN THIS SIDE OF THE THIRD GRADE. MY MOM WRITES LIKE AN ESL STUDENT. ("IN AMERICA, THE STREETS ARE BEING PAV-ED WITH GOLDEN. I AM LIKING THAT VERY MUCH") YOU SEE FELLOW FOAMINIONS MOM HAS MASTERED MS WORD, BUT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT IS SPELLED CORRECTLY IT WILL STILL BE GRAMMATICALLY WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! AND NONSENSICAL- HENCE THE NEED FOR PROOFREADING BY ANOTHER PERSON AND NOT THAT F*CKING PAPERCLIP THINGY...
...(SHUDDER) WHICH SHE DID- AND NOT BY ME. WHAT I REPEATEDLY FORGET TO REALISE IS THAT HER CADRE OF COHORTS ARE SIMILARLY GRAMMATICALLY INEPT ESL STUDENT-LIKE WRITERS OR EPILEPTIC MONKEYS. I BELIEVE THEIR REMARKS ON HER "PROSE" WERE- DUDE, THAT'S AWESOME- YOU SHOULD SEND THAT...SO SHE DID, ALL 6 SENTENCES. YES WRATHKETEERS- IF I'M LYING, I'M DYING.
WELL, SHE DID SPELL HER NAME RIGHT- SO WE GOT THAT GOING FOR US. YOU GET 200 POINTS ON THE SAT IF YOU DO THAT. I JUST WON'T LET HER NEAR A COMMUNICATIONS INPUT MEDIUM ANYTIME SOON- I PROMISE.

SW
THE OSCARS ARE COMING....DO YOU CARE?
Current mood: KINDA WRATHFUL



YES WRATHKETEERS, THE OSCARS ARE COMING SOON!!!!
ARE YOU READY? DO YOU CARE? IF YOU ARE A LOYAL FOA-MINION & WRATHKETEER- YOU DON'T GIVE A FLYING RATS ASS.
SO WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH ALL THE "OSCAR BUZZ"? WHY IS THIS ON THE NEWS EVERY F*CKING NIGHT? PEOPLE THERE IS A WAR ON (CHOOSE ONE)TERROR/DRUGS/ILLTERACY GOING ON OUT THERE. WHEN IN THE F*CK DID "WHAT WILL TANOREXIA T. FAKETITS WEAR AT THE OCSARS." BECOME SO IMPORTANT? WHY IS THIS PARADE OF HUMAN DRECK NOW THE CENTRE OF ALL THE UNIVERSE? I MUST HAVE BEEN NAPPING OR UNDER A ROCK. I AM THE CENTRE OF MY UNIVERSE. MY ANGRY SLICE OF FOAMINIAN HEAVEN WILL NOT BE TAINTED BY THE YEARLY CAVALCADE OF THE ANOREXIC, SURGICALLY ALTERED, GENETICALLY INFERIOR, TASTELESS, HALF NAKED, HALF WITTED, FAKE BAKED, DRUG ADDLED SELF CENTRED NARCISSISTIC BASTARDS! NO SIR! THEY CAN ALL KISS MY SHINY METAL ASS, AND MY DOG'S ASS TOO (I JUST GAVE HIM A BEAN BURRITO-BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.)
GRANTED, WE HAVE BECOME MORE MEDIA ORIENTED, AND ARE INUNDATED DAILY WITH THE FINEST BULLSHIT HOLLYWEIRD HAS TO OFFER. I UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT IT SINCE THERE IS VERYY LITTLE I CAN DO TO CHANGE IT. OTHER THAN THE CHANNEL- WHICH I DO EVER SINGLE TIME I SEE FREAKISH SURGICAL TRAINWRECK JOAN RIVERS AND HER NO-TALENT SPAWN MELISSA. MY BOWELS CLENCH WHENEVER I HEAR HER NASALLY CRONE WAIL BORE INTO MY SKULL "OH MUY GAWD- CAAAN WE TAAWK?" THEN I HEAR THE SPAWN CHIME IN ALONG IN THEIR LONG ISLAND-Y BANSHEE SHREIK "OH MUY GAWD- SHE LOOOOKS GAWWWWGUSSS!"...IT CLAWS AT THE BRAIN, AND GNAWS AT THE EARS. IT IS QUITE UNSETTLING.
HOWEVER, DO YOU KNOW WHO IS TO BLAME FOR ALL THIS.....CRAP? THE E! CHANNEL ILLUMINATI THATS WHO- F*CKING BASTARDS. THOSE SHARK-SUIT WEARING, LIFE DRAINING BABY SEAL CLUBBING INCUBI ARE TRYING TO FORCE FEED THE VIEWING PUBLIC THIS BULLSHIT. THEY ARE VERY MUCH IN CAHUTZ WITH THE FASHION INDUSTRY AND ANYOTHER GROUP WITH A COUNTER AGENDA AS WELL. THIS SHIT GETS CRAMMED DOWN OUR THROATS DAY IN AND DAY OUT.
HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK 'BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN' WOULD DO IF THE SCRIPTWRITER FOR BROKEBACK CHANGED THE CHARACTERS TO HETERO'S? IT WOULDN'T MAKE A DIME- BECAUSE LIFETIME, OXYGEN AND THE LOVE CHANNEL SHOW THAT KIND OF FLUFF EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!!
I CALL UPON YOU TO JOIN ME, FELLOW FOA-MINIONS: GET UP, RAISE YOUR MIDDLE FINGERS AND SHOUT "FUCK YOU OSCAR- NOBODY F*CKING CARES YOU ASSHOLES"

THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED, WRATHKETEERS- BUT THE OSCARS WILL BE!
SW

BEST LINES I HAVE HEARD THIS MONTH

Saturday, March 04, 2006

THIS IS A COLLECTION OF THE BEST LINES I HAVE HEARD WITHIN THE LAST MONTH: (ADULT LANGUAGE, NOT LIKE THAT IS A SHOCK)
YOU SMELL SO GOOD, I WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF.
SEND LAWYERS, GUNS AND MONEY.
IT'S SUPER EMO-PUNK-DEATH METAL!
IT'S CRAPTASTIC!
WELL I DON'T TRUST THE GORTON'S FISHERMAN- ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S OUT TO SEA.
BAKED IN THE FILTHY HEAT OF SATAN'S ASSHOLE
MY MOUTH WAS COVERED IN A GLISTENING SHEEN OF SADNESS
HEY LOOK- IT'S CAPTAIN ASSF*CK AND THE REACHAROUNDS
HIM: YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES.....HER: THEY'RE GREEN JACKASS

BIKE HELMETS, BAND-AIDS & BACTINE

Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Current mood: WISTFULL



WRATHFULL GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS FOAMINIONS!
SPRING IS SOON TO FALL UPON US, AS IS THE IMPENDING WAVE OF HALF-WITTED CHILDREN AND THEIR HYPER-PROTECTIVE PARENTS READY TO EMBRACE MOTHER NATURE...AND SANITIZE HER FOR THEIR PROTECTION.
WHEN I WAS A KID THE COMING OF SPRING HERALDED THE RETURN OF WARM AIR, TREE CLIMBING, BIKE RIDING AND THE ANNUAL RESTOCKING OF THE FIRST AID KIT. I CAN STILL RECALL THE PLASTICY BAND AID SMELL, THE STING AND FIZZ OF BACTINE...THE MERCUROCHROME BUNNIES MOM WOULD DRAW ON MY ASSORTED BOOBOOS & OWIES. GOOD TIMES.
LIKE ALL GOOD THINGS, THEY COME TO AN UNPLEASANT AND WIMPERING END. TODAYS CHILDREN ARE CREEPY, ISOLATED GAMERS. THEIR PASTY COUNTENANCE IS OBSCURED BY A FRINGE OF EMO PUNK WANNABE HAIR. IF ONE DOES VENTURE INTO THE OUTSIDE WORLD THEY ARE SHRINK WRAPPED, SLATHERED IN ANTIBACTERIAL GEL AND COVERED IN MORE PADDING & EQUIPMENT THAN A LINE BACKER FOR THE GIANTS. THESE CHILDREN WILL NEVER KNOW THE TINGLY AGONY THAT IS A SCRAPED KNEE, THE ECSTACY OF THE FIVE SECOND RULE TWINKIE- THE JOY OF GETTING DIRTIER THAN A COAL MINER. THESE SAME SANITARY CHILDREN HAVE NO NATURAL IMMUNITY, AND GET SICK CONSTANTLY. TRULY A SAD COMMENTARY OF THE TIMES.
WE DIDN'T HAVE BIKE HELMETS, WE HAD TUCK AND ROLL. WE HAD BLOOD AND GLORY FROM JUMPING OUR BIKES OVER ANYTHING STATIONARY. WE FELL FROM TREES, PORCHES, STAIRS AND OVER OUR OWN FEET. WE WOULD PLAY UNTIL THE STREET LIGHTS CAME ON, CAME HOME WHEN WE WERE THICKLY ENCRUSTED WITH ALL MANNERS OF FILTH- AND WERE HOSED DOWN LIKE CIVIL RIGHTS PROTESTERS BEFORE BEING ALLOWED INTO THE HOUSE- AFTER ALL THAT WE HAD THE SLEEP OF THE RIGHTEOUS AND DID IT AGAIN THE NEXT DAY. WE BUILT TREE FORTS, HAD SECRET CLUBS...PET FUNERALS AND THE ICE CREAM MAN. WE KNEW NO FEAR...EXCEPT COOTIES. THOSE WERE THE DAYS MY WRATHFUL FRIENDS!
WHEN I WAS A CHEERLEADER IN HIGH SCHOOL (I KNOW- SHOCKING.) WE HAD A CHEER "KNOCK 'EM DOWN, ROLL 'EM ROUND- A LITTLE DIRT WON'T HURT!" THESE ARE WISE WORDS TO LIVE BY. IF YOU HAVE OR ARE PLANNING TO HAVE KIDS- TURN OFF THE GAME SYSTEM & TV- LET 'EM OUT, GET GOOD AND DIRTY- LET THEM BE KIDS IN ALL THEIR FILTHY GLORY...THEY WILL THANK YOU FOR IT.
SW

RETARDED HOOKERS

Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Current mood: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


WRATHFUL AND BELATED GREETINGS TO ALL (HAPPY B-DAY MRS. C & MRS. M!)
THE LATENESS IN MY CURRENT POST WAS DUE TO A ROUTE CANAL LAST FRIDAY- WHICH CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS LIFE CHANGING! HUZZAH, KUDOS & UNENDING THANKS TO YOU DR. JOEL AND THE KIND FOLKS AT dUPONT- THE (former)MAKERS OF PERCOSET!
ALL THAT PLEASANTNESS ASIDE, THE TOPICS OF CHAT AT WORK USUALLY REVOLVE AROUND THE SAME OLD THINGS: STUPID CUSTOMERS, CRAPPY PAY, NO BENEFITS, THE GLORIOUS LACK OF LIGHT... WHITE CASTLE VERSUS TACO BELL...YOU KNOW, WEIGHTY ISSUES.
LAST NIGHT THE TOPIC TURNED TO THE WORLDS OLDEST PROFESSION, AND THE DEVELOPMENTALLY CHALLENGED- PARTICULARLY DEVELOPMENTALLY CHALLENGED HOOKERS...THEIR PIMPS (DOES HE USE THOSE FUNKY HAND CRUTCHES OR SPINNERS ON HIS WHEELCHAIR-IN PIMPADELIC GOLD PLATE), THEIR PIMPS' RIDES (LITTLE BUS, PURPLE SHAG INTERIOR, FUZZY DICE- GOLD CROWN VANILLAROMA AIR FRESHENER- TRULY THE SHIZZ)
OH YEAH- I'M PROBABLY GONNA BURN IN HELL FOR THAT....

IF YOU'RE LAUGHING AT THIS...YOU'RE GONNA BURN ALONG WITH ME
BWAHAHAHAHA

PEOPLE WHO NEED A VIOLENT BEATING- VOL 1

Friday, March 17, 2006
Current mood: BALLED UP FIST OF RAGE



ERIN GO WRATHFUL FOAMINIONS!
AS A PUBLIC SERVICE, THE WRATHKETEER SECT OF THE ALMIGHTY CHURCH OF FOAMY WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE A NEW EPISODIC FEATURE TO THE BLOG CALLED "PEOPLE WHO NEED A VIOLENT BEATING"
TODAY'S PROSPECT: PEOPLE WHO BUY FUR COATS FOR DOGS.
I WAS WATCHING THE TODAY SHOW A FEW DAYS AGO AT MY MOM'S AND I SAW THAT CINDY ADAMS THE GOSSIP COLUMNIST AND HER CUTE LITTLE YORKIES. THEY SEEM LIKE HAPPY, PAMPERED PUPS...AS A DOG OWNER I'M DOWN WITH THAT. MACK, MY RESCUED 87 LB AMERICAN BULLDOG IS A LITTLE SPOILED...BUT HE'S WELL BEHAVED AND NEVER SHITS IN THE HOUSE. HE'S GOT SO MANY SQUEAKY PLUSH TOYS THAT HE HAS A TOX BOX TO KEEP THEM IN, A FEW BANDANNAS, A SWEET STUDDED COLLAR THAT MATCHES MY BIKE JACKET, BOOTS AND PURSE...AND A NICE BLUE SWEATER. I DON'T DRESS UP MACK LIKE SOME DRAG QUEEN, AND I DON'T LOOK DOWN ON ANYONE WHO DOES. THESE FOLKS ARE USUALLY REALLY GOOD OWNERS AND ARE KIND TO ANIMALS....
....BUT THERE ARE LIMITS. WHEN YOUR DOGS COLLAR COSTS MORE THAN THE YEARLY OPERATING BUDGET OF A NO-KILL SHELTER OR THE GNP OF ITSFUCKINHOT-ISTAN, YOU NEED TO EXAMINE YOUR PRIORITIES.
BUT I DIGRESS...BACK TO THE CINDY ADAMS...HER DOGS HAVE BETTER CLOTHING AND JEWELRY WARDROBES THAN ANY NY SOCIALITE- AND COST JUST AS MUCH. HOWEVER THAT ISN'T WHAT DROVE ME FROM MY MOM'S IN A FIT OF APOPLECTIC RAGE- GET THIS: HER DOGS HAVE FUR COATS, MINK BY THE LOOKS OF IT.
LET'S GIVE THAT A SECOND TO SINK IN..............HER DOGS WEAR FUR COATS.....
.......ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME? I'M NO VETERINARIAN, ZOOLOGIST OR FARMER, BUT DON'T DOGS GROW THEIR OWN FUR...IN COAT FORM? WHAT WAS THE PROGRESSION OF THOUGHT THAT CULMINATED IN "I THINK THE DOGS NEED CUSTOM MADE FUR COATS" OR "HEY I'VE GOT A COUPLE GRAND LOOKING FOR A HOME, SHOULD I DONATE IT TO THE ASPCA SO SOME CAT OR DOG DOESN'T GET EUTHANISED....NAH - LET'S GET MATCHING MINKS FOR THE DOGS."
HERE'S TO YOU MS. ADAMS...THE FIRST INDUCTEE TO "PEOPLE WHO NEED A VIOLENT BEATING" SOCIETY! I HOPE YOU GET THE ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER.

SW
BTW: MILLIONS OF NICE CATS & DOGS ARE FACING EUTHANASIA RIGHT NOW & NEED GOOD HOMES LIKE YOURS...ADOPT A FURRY FRIEND TODAY!!!!!

SO...I DRESS LIKE A HOBO- F*CK YOU

Saturday, March 18, 2006
Current mood: DROWNING IN A SEA OF STUPID



SOBER, CRANKY GREETINGS FOAMINIONS!!!
AND A WHAT'S SHAKIN' BACON TO OUR NEWEST CONVERT :RANDOM STRANGER"!
I AM NOT A HIGH MAINTENANCE WOMAN, I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, BUT IT IS NICE TO GET SPOILED OCCASIONALLY, ESPECIALLY WITH NICE PERFUME OR A NIGHT OUT WITH MR. RIGHT NOW. I'M NOT TOO GIRLY, BUT I AM STILL FEMININE DESPITE MY EXTREMELY CASUAL DRESS. OK, NOT CASUAL- MORE LIKE 14 YEAR OLD MISFITS FAN/80'S PUNK (CUZ THAT'S WHEN PUNK WAS PUNK- NOT THIS EMO/GRINDCORE/PUDF*CKING "ASSHOLE, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLOSET" SELF MUTILATING 17 YR OLD WANNABE POET SHIT.) COCKSUCKERS, EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM. ANYWHOOO, THE POINT IS I LIKE TO DRESS NOT TO IMPRESS- BUT MORE TO INSPIRE BITTERNESS AND MAYBE FEAR- IF NOT, LET OTHERS THINK I'M A DISAFFECTED COLLEGE STUDENT AND THEY CAN GIVE ME MONEY. PANHANDLING: IT'S THE AMERICAN WAY.
FOR EXAMPLE: WHEN I WENT TO DISNEY 3 YEARS AGO, MY LUGGAGE WAS AS FOLLOWS: 1 PAIR OF DRESSY BOOTS, PAIR OF FAVOURITE SNEAKERS, ANGRY SANDALS, SMALL COSMETIC BAG FOR PERSONAL ITEMS & MAKEUP, MEDIUM DUFFEL BAG OF CLOTHES THAT FIT EVERYTHING PREVIOUSLY NOTED(MOST OF THE CLOTHES WERE CLEAN, BUT OUR RESORT HAD LAUNDRY SERVICE, SO IT DIDN'T MATTER) AND AN EMPTY TOTEBAG FOR THE INEVITALBLE PILE OF CRAP I WAS TO BUY THERE. SIMPLE, ONE BAG, JUST THE ESSENTIALS. I HAD GOING OUT STUFF, SWIM STUFF, AND REGULAR CLOTHES.
MY TRAVELLING COMPANIONS HOWEVER BROUGHT THEIR PAST AND CURRENT LIVES WITH THEM. ONE OF THE GUYS HAD 3 CHANGES OF CLOTHES PER DAY...WTF?????? THEY SPENT WEEKS ON PLANNING WHAT TO BRING, IN ADDITION TO BUYING MORE CRAP PLUS LUGGAGE TO PUT IT IN. I PACKED 30 MIN BEFORE I LEFT THE HOUSE, HAD EVERYTHING I NEEDED AND DIDN'T HAVE TO HIT THE CONVEINIENCE STORE FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT HAIR CONDITIONER (I DON'T PACK ANYTHING THAT REMOTELY LOOKS LIKE MALE EMMISSIONS IN MY LUGGAGE- THAT WILL BE THE BOTTLE THAT EXPLODES.)
WITH ALL THEIR "PLANNING" THEY STILL CAME TO ME TO BORROW STUFF- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? SHERPAS SCALING MT EVEREST PACK LIGHTER THEN MY FRIENDS DID.
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE MOST OF MY TRAVELS WERE MORE SPONTANEOUS IN NATURE, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I LIVE IN JEANS, LONG SLEEVE T-SHIRTS (OFTEN WITH PUNK/BIKER/SKULL LOGOS) AND MY UBIQUITOUS BLACK CHUCK TAYLOR'S. I DON'T LIKE LUGGING LOTS OF SHIT AROUND- I'M NOT A BELLHOP, MOTHERF*CKER...I TIP THEM.
SW

WOMEN ARE NUTS-REALLY!

Monday, March 20, 2006
Current mood: I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME BITCH



WRATHFUL GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS!
TODAY MY CAUSTIC TIRADE IS FOCUSED ON FELLOW MEMBERS OF MY SEX...WOMEN.
YOU SEE- WE'RE NUTS....EVERY LAST ONE OF US IS A NUTTER...I SHIT YOU NOT, PUPPY KICKING CRAZY.
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WOMEN HAVE THESE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF MEN. WE WANT A CARING, INTUITIVE, THOUGHTFUL, EMPLOYED MAN WHO JUST LIKES TO CUDDLE, IS GOOD WITH THE KIDS, DOES DISHES, CAN COOK, CLEAN AND GIVE US PEDICURES AND MASSAGES...OH, AND GO SHOE SHOPPING WITH US. IF THAT ISN'T ENOUGH HE MUST HAVE GOOD FASHION SENSE, NEVER EVEN LOOK AT 18 YR OLD CHEERLEADERS, LISTEN ATTENTIVELY TO ALL OUR MINDLESS OPRAH FUELED DRIVEL, BUY US SPARKLY THINGS, AND LIKE TO GO ON ROMANTIC BED & BREAKFAST WEEKENDS WITH NO SEX.
GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!
IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT, RENT YOURSELF A GAY GUY...A REALLY REALLY GAY GUY. HE'LL DO ALL THAT WITH YOU AND CRY WITH YOU DURING STEEL MAGNOLIAS-AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TAKE OFF YOUR SOCKS- LET ALONE HAVE NAKED TIME.
LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR THE LADIES IN FOAMINIA:MEN ARE NOT WOMEN. THEY LIKE DIFFERENT THINGS, HAVE DIFFERENT NEEDS AND BODY PARTS.
AND BY THE WAY- GAY STRAIGHT OR BI:ALL MEN RESPOND TO THE SAME PRIMAL STIMULI: FEED 'EM, FUCK 'EM, FUN 'EM...PUT 'EM TO BED. THAT'S IT. THERE IS NO MAGIC IN UNDERSTANDING THEM. MEN LIKE TO FIX THINGS, SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE, GENERALLY PREFER SIMPLE TO COMPLEX- LIKE TO BE ENTERTAINED AND NEED PROPER REST AND FEEDING.
THAT IS MY WRATHFUL WISDOM FOR TODAY KIDS- CHEW ON THAT!

SW

LET ME BEAT YOUR KIDS FOR 55 BUCKS.COM

april 15, 2006
Current mood: THE WHEELS OF INNOVATION ARE TURNING!

FISCAL GREETINGS WRATHKETEERS!
IT'S TAX TIME AGAIN, AND ONCE MORE I AM CONFRONTED WITH THE DISMAL FISCAL OUTLOOK THAT WAS 2005. MY NO-FAIL "WIN THE LOTTO TO PAY MY STUDENT LOAN PLAN" WAS A FAILURE. SO NOW I AM FORCED TO ENGINEER NEW WAYS OF GETTING MY HANDS ON SOME DEAD PRESIDENTS.
THEN LAST NIGHT IT CAME TO ME...PARENTS DON'T WANT TO DISCIPLINE THEIR UNRULY SPAWN, BECAUSE THEY FEAR THE CHILD WILL HATE THEM AND PUT THEM IN ONE OF THOSE REST HOMES SHOWN ON DATELINE NBC, WHEN THE TIME COMES. THAT'S A REASONABLE FEAR- THAT'S HOW I KEPT MY MOM IN LINE.
ANYWHOO- THIS IS MY PLAN TO ATTAIN FINANCIAL FREEDOM: PARENTS PAY ME TO BEAT THEIR KIDS- $55 BUCKS AN HOUR. I FIGURED SCHFIFTY-FIVE WAS A COOL NUMBER AND AN HOUR SEEMED PLENTY OF TIME FOR A DECENT ASS-WHOOPIN'.
NOW PARENTS CAN RELAX IN REGARDS TO THEIR RETIREMENT PLANS, AND STILL RAISE FUNCTIONAL, PRODUCTIVE MEMBERS OF SOCIETY- WITHOUT GETTING THEIR HANDS DIRTY.
GOT A PROBLEM CHILD- NO PROBLEM...LET ME BEAT YOUR KIDS FOR 55 BUCKS...PROBLEM SOLVED!!!
SPARE THE ROD, RUIN MY RETIREMENT!

SW

WANNA BE A SAINT?

Friday, March 24, 2006
Current mood: BEING THE CURE FOR HOPE




CALLING ALL WRATHKETEERS!!!!
I AM NOW TAKING APPLICATIONS FOR SAINTHOOD FOR THE WRATHKETEERIAN SECT OF THE ALMIGHTY CHURCH OF FOAMY!

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A WRATHKETEERIAN PATRON SAINT?

EX: SAINT ROSE, THE BLOOOOONNNDDDDDE (MY MOM)
SAINT SIDEKICK, THE SEEKER OF THE "JUSTIN"
AND YOURS TRULY SAINT SHANNON, QUEEN OF THE DAMNED, CURER OF HOPE- REGENT RULER OF FOAMINIA.

WORLD'S WORST COCKTAILS

Current mood: NAUSEOUS

WORST...BLOODY MARY...EVER: 6OZ CAN OF V8, 2 JIGGERS OF NYQUIL. SERVE NEAR RESTROOM OR BUCKET

JACKSON 5: JAGERMEISTER, JACK, JOHNNY WALKER, JOSE CUERVO, JIM BEAM- PUT IN GLASS, DO NOT SMELL.

CHEAP SCREW: 8 OZ ORANGE JUICE, 2 OZ RUBBING ALCOHOL..CAUTION- MAY CAUSE BLINDNESS.

CHEERS!!!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006

THE FOAMINIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM
Current mood: SWELLING WITH FOAMINAIN PRIDE


OH, FOAMINIA
OUR HOME AND WRATHFUL LAND
TRUE SQUIRRELLY WRATH IS FOR WHAT WE STAND

WE LIKE CREAMY CHEESE
ON OUR BAGLES
WITH A LARGE COFFEE

OH FOAMINIA
MASTER THE ZEN OF ANGER, WRATH FULLY

(TO THE TUNE OF OH, CANADA)
Friday, March 31, 2006

LITTLE BLUE PILLS
Current mood: GRATEFUL


HIDELEY-HO WRATHKERINOS! VERNAL GREETINGS TO YOU ALL.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW, I SUFFER FROM SEVERE MIGRAINES....OR AS A COWORKER OF MINE SAYS "THE SUPPRESSED ANGER ATTEMPTING ESCAPE THRU YOUR SKULL."

MY DOCTOR & I HAVE SPENT A FEW MONTHS GETTING TO THE SOURCE OF MY CRANIAL MALADY....BTW: HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE & ANXIETY MAKE A MARRIAGE MADE IN HELL. TOGETHER DR. AVI & I GOT THE BP & ANXIETY UNDER CONTROL WITH ATENOLOL & SOME MAGICAL LITTLE BLUE PILLS (ZOLOFT)....I FEEL *PHARMACEUTICALLY AWESOME*.
THE URGE TO STRANGLE OR MAIM OTHERS HAS LESSENED, AND I HAVE NOTED A SIGNIFICANT INCREASE IN SARCASM AND SASS MOUTH, AND I'M THIRSTY.

I FEEL ENERGIZED AND HAVE GOTTEN OFF OF MY FAT ASS IN ORDER TO DEBIGAFY IT WITH GREAT RESULTS. MY UNDERWEAR IS NO LONGER ENTRENCHED IN BOX CANYON, AND MY ASS DOESN'T FALL OUT OF MY JEANS--YAY FOR ME. I STARTED THEIS BLOG TO EXPRESS MY APOPLECTIC RAGE, STARTED THE CULT TO MEET OTHER LIKE MINDED BUDDING SOCIOPATHS AND PLANS TO CONQUER CENTRAL NEW JERSEY FROM WHICH A BOLD NEW SOCIETY SHALL SPRING- I CALL IT FOAMINIA.

YEAH, A WHOLE NEW DIMENSION OF WRATHFUL SARCASM HAS ENVELOPED MY WORLD, ALL THANKS TO YOU LITTLE BLUE PILL. JOIN ME IS SAYING HERE'S TO YOU, ZOLOFT- THE LITTLE BLUE PILL THAT HELPS ME SAY "FUCK IT"
Tuesday, April 04, 2006

UNDENIABLE TRUTHS!!! PART ONE
Current mood: NEGATIVITY APLENTY



(as a public service to the Wrathketeerian Community)

SQUIRRELLY WRATH PRESENTS.....(tadaaaah)
UNDENIALBLE TRUTHS ABOUT: MEN

1. IF IT'S GOT BALLS OR BEARINGS- THERE'S BOUND TO BE HEARTACHE
2. JUST BECAUSE THEY SAY THEY CARE- DOESN'T MEAN THEY DO
3. OUT OF SITE REALLY IS OUT OF MIND
4. YOU WILL ONLY BE TREATED AS WELL AS HIS EX TREATED HIM
5. THEY ARE EX'S FOR A REASON
6. IF IT STANDS TO PISS & DRIVES A MUSTANG, IT PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING OF MINE I WANT BACK BADLY
7. FULL FRONTAL NUDITY OR A BLOWJOB IS A SURE FIRE WAY TO GET HIS ATTENTION- ALBEIT BRIEFLY
8. ALWAYS HAVE A COOLER/FASTER CAR THAN HIM
9. KNOW HOW TO CHANGE YOUR OWN DAMN TIRE- THE FLAT WILL ALWAYS HAPPEN WHEN HE'S TOO BUSY
10. AN OFFER TO BEAT UP SOMEBODY FOR YOU IS SWEET- BUT NOT, I REPEAT- NOT AN INFERENCE THAT HE DOES OR WILL EVER CARE ABOUT YOU.
11. YEAH, HE'S STARING AT YOUR TITS
12. NO, HE'S NOT LISTENING
13. OPRAH IS THE LAST PERSON YOU SHOULD GET RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM
14. IF HE MISSES YOUR BIRTHDAY, BUT YOU DIDN'T MISS HIS- DROP HIM LIKE HE IS COVERED IN SNOT- HE'S A SELFISH BASTARD
15. DESPITE ALL THIS YOU WILL STILL MISS HIM- EVEN THOUGH HE'S AN ASSHOLE...TREAD WITH CAUTION
16. SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE, IT DOES EQUAL MESSED UP HAIR/BED, HIM SNORING- LOUDLY AND POSSIBLY COOKING AFTERWARD
Friday, April 14, 2006

THIS IS CNN- IN NEED OF VIOLENT BEATING: VOL 2
Current mood: SHAKING HEAD IN DISBELIEF


NEWSWORTHY GREETINGS WRATHKETEERIANS!
AT MY JOB, WE HAVE TELEVISIONS TUNED TO THE ILLUSTRIOUS CNN...24 HRS A DAY...7 F*CKING DAYS A WEEK. I DO MY BEST TO DROWN IT OUT, REALLY I DO. THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT LARRY KING THAT BURNS MY ASS. MAYBE ITS THE NASALLY-GRAVELY TIMBRE OF HIS VOICE, OR THE FREAKISHLY YOUNG AND ATTRACTIVE WIFE & MOTHER OF HIS TWO YOUNG BOYS...THE WIFE IS YOUNGER THAN HIS FIRST SET OF KIDS- OR THE FACT HE IS A TOOL OF THE DEVIL. I DON'T KNOW.
THERE IS ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE: CNN HAS GOT TO BE THE DUMBEST NEWS AGENCY EVER. I HAVE HEARD SOME OF THE STUPIDEST THINGS THIS SIDE OF A 13 YR OLD GIRLS SLUMBER PARTY ON CNN. FOR EXAMPLE: HURRICANE KATRINA, ANDERSON COOPER ACTUALLY ANSWERED THIS "QUESTION" WITH A STRAIGHT FACE: IF THE LIGHTS GO OUT, WILL IT BE DARK? HIS RESPONSE WAS: YES, VERY DARK. UM, OKAY- BUT THERE IS MORE!!!
ANOTHER FINE EXAMPLE OF THE SCINTILLATING WEATHER COMMENTARY, DURING HURRICANE RITA: IT'S REALLY RAINING, I AM GETTING VERY WET, AND THE WIND IS STRONG....NO SHIT, REALLY?
THE LAST STRAW WAS PERPETRATED BY LOU DOBBS- A NEWSMAN OF GREAT EXPERIENCE- THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT CNN A STEP ABOVE JR HIGHLIGHTS IN CONTENT- HE ADDRESSED THE *NEW* PHENOMENAE OF CHAOS IN IRAQ...I SHIT YOU NOT.
THIS JUST IN: FIRE IS HOT, WATER IS WET...AND WE HAVE BEEN IN IRAQ FOR QUITE SOME TIME DOBBSIE.
SO HERE'S TO YOU CNN: THE SHORT BUS RIDING, WINDOWLICKING, HELMET WEARING SPECIAL ED CLASS OF JOURNALISM!

SW
Monday, April 24, 2006

BEST...SIMPSON CHARACTER...EVER
Current mood: REVERENCE




RAINY GREETINGS WRATHKERINO'S!
AS A ADOLESCENT IN THE LATE 80'S, I CAME INTO ADULTHOOD WITH THE THE BELOVED SIMPSON CLAN. EVERYONE HAS THEIR FAVOURITES. MY MOM IS PARTIAL TO PATTY & SELMA, MY AUNT LIKES MR. BURNS...TIM AT WORK LIKES SCORPIO THE SUPERVILLAN.
I ADORE RALPHIE WIGGAM THE LOVABLE AND PASTE EATING HALFWIT. I REJOICE IN EACH OF HIS WITTICISMS LIKE:
I'M A ROCK.
SLEEP, THATS WHERE I GET TO BE A VIKING.
I WANT TO GO TO BOVINE UNIVERSITY.
ME FAIL ENGLISH, THATS UN-POSSIBLE
YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE DEAD BUNNIES
IT TASTES LIKE BURNING.
HERE'S TO YOU RALPHIE! THE BEST... SIMPSONS CHARACTER....EVER!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006

THINGS THAT ANNOY THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF ME: PART 1
Current mood: ANNOYED


GREETINGS WRATHKETEERS
FOR TODAY'S RANT I'D LIKE TO FOCUS ON SHIT THAT ANNOYS THE HELL OUT OF ME...LET US BEGIN...


CUSTOMERS...NAMELY ANGRY OR PSYCHOTIC ONES- WHEN YOU YELL I LAUGH INSIDE KNOWING YOU'LL NEVER GET HELP.

PEOPLE WHO DON'T PICK UP AFTER THEIR DOGS/CHILDREN/SPOUSES.

MTV: WHY CALL IT MTV, WHY NOT CALL IT CRAPPY PROGRAMMING FOR RETARDS

THE FAKE CHURCH ACROSS THE STREET: YOU KNOW IT'S A TAX DODGE

MY NEIGHBOURS: DUDE- PICK UP YOUR F*CKING GARBAGE & PUT IT OUT ON WEDNESDAY MORNING...I'M SICK OF STARING AT IT. OH & TELL THE BOY TO STFU- I SLEEP DURING THE DAY

MY MECHANIC: ON MONSTER GARAGE 4 MECHANICS, A ROLL OF DUCT TAPE & A BEDAZZLER BECOMES A VEHICULAR CONVEYANCE...I JUST NEED A NEW TRANSMISSION. IT'S BEEN 5 MONTHS- I WANT MY FUCKING CAR!

CELEBRITY GOSSIP NEWS, REALITY TV & THEIR PRODUCERS: GO DIRECTLY TO HELL- DO NOT PASS GO & OH YEAH KISS MY ASS.

PEOPLE WHO HABITUALLY SHOW UP LATE FOR WORK: JEEBUS H CHRIST...YOU'RE AN ADULT, YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO OPERATE AN ALARM CLOCK.

DOOR TO DOOR MINISTRIES: JUST KEEP WALKIN' HOMESLICE, I DON'T WANT YOUR HOODOO F*CKING UP MY CHI.

GAS PRICES HIGHER THAN BLACK TAR HEROIN- IF I COULD POWER MY CAR WITH MAD DOG 2020 I WOULD.

THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR NOW...BUT I ASSURE YOU ALL THERE WILL BE ADDITIONAL LISTS IN THE FUTURE.

SW
Monday, May 01, 2006

THINGS THAT ANNOY THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF ME: PART 2
Current mood: IRRITABLE


FOAMINIAN GREETINGS, ALL

HERE'S PART 2 OF MY ONGOING SERIES ABOUT THINGS THAT ANNOY THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF ME...

1. THE AIR QUALITY AT WORK: A MULTI-BILLION TELCO CAN'T AFFORD A SWIFFER DUSTER AND NEW AIR CONDITIONER FILTERS?

2. MY DOG'S DROOLING PROBLEM: MACK, PLEASE STOP WIPING YOUR FACE ON ME

3. PEOPLE WHO WEAR FRONTS: THE 10 LBS OF BLING AROUND YOUR NECK & FINGERS WASN'T ENOUGH- YOU LOOK LIKE THE UNHOLY SPAWN OF A JAMES BOND VILLIAN & MR. T

4. BARISTAS: YOU'RE PRETTY FUCKING UPPITY FOR MINIMUM WAGE EARNING COFFEE POURERS- NOW POUR ME A VENTE JACKASS

5. "THE BOY": IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO YOUR FRIEND NEXT DOOR- USE THE FUCKING TELEPHONE- STOP YELLING ACROSS MY YARD WHILE I'M TRYING TO SLEEP, AND WHILE YOUR AT IT- PUT YOUR BIKE AWAY

6. CHEAP TOILET PAPER: IT SHOULDN'T DISINTEGRATE BEFORE YOU USE IT

7. DOOR TO DOOR MISSIONARIES: MY DOG CAN AND WILL EAT YOU

8. LARRY KING: ENOUGH WITH THE GAY-ASS TIES & THE TECHNICOLOUR DRESS SHIRTS- YOUR MAKING THE SCREEN ALL WAVY & GIVING ME A MIGRAINE

9. MIGRAINES: THEY FUCKING HURT & MAKE ME VOMIT...ALOT

10. THE "BITCH & MOAN" NETWORKS: I.E. LIFETIME (TELEVISION FOR IDIOTS) OXYGEN (HERALDING THE NEW WORLD OPRAH) & WE (WHERE MERIDITH BAXTER-BIRNEY'S MADE FOR TV CAREER IS ALIVE & WELL)

THATS THE LIST FOR TODAY...NOW, GO AWAY

SW
Wednesday, May 10, 2006

FOAMINIAN SPOTLIGHT: GRIMACE & THE HAMBURGLAR
Current mood: REVERENCE




WRATHFUL GREETINGS FOAMINIONS!
TODAY I WOULD LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS RANT TO THE MEMORY OF GRIMACE & THE HAMBURGLAR...THE KEWLEST BURGER CHAIN MASCOTS EVAH! YEAH, GRIMACE LOOKS LIKE BARNEY'S BUTT PLUG AND HAMBURGLAR'S ENGLISH WAS SORELY LIMITED (ROBBLE ROBBLE) BUT THOSE TWO WERE THE ONLY THINGS KEEPING THAT TOOL RONALD McDONALD AND HIS PUPPET MAYOR McCHEESE FROM TURNING MICKY D'S INTO SOME HAPPY ASSHOLEY JONESTOWN. THEY WOKE US UP TO THE SHAMROCK SHAKE OF TRUTH!!! GRIMACE & THE HAMBURGLER WERE THE CRIMINAL ELEMENT THAT KEPT US IN TOUCH WITH REALITY- NOT THE SANITIZED FANTASY LAND THAT DAMNABLE CLOWN WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE. SADLY THAT DEMONIC CLOWN WON OUT AND YOU BOTH WERE SENTENCED TO SPEND ETERNITY IN RELATIVE ANONYMITY- BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN!!!
I RAISE MY GLASS TO YOU BOTH: FOR KEEPING IT REAL IN THE McHOOD

RAWK OUT WITH YOUR CAWK OUT BOYS
SW
Sunday, May 14, 2006

FOAMINIAN SALUTE TO MOTHERS EVERYWHERE!!!
Current mood: LOVES HER MOMMY


HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY WRATHKETEERS!
IN RECOGNITION OF MOTHER'S DAY, I PRESENT "YO MAMA"...DRINK IT IN!

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.
Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!
Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.
Yo mama so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Yo mama so dirty she makes mud look clean.
Yo mama so dirty that she was banned from a sewage facility because of sanitation worries!
Yo mama so dirty that you can't tell where the dirt stops and she begins.
Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
Yo mama aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!
Yo mama mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
I saw your mama kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "Moving."
Yo mama teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY Y'ALL
SW
Tuesday, May 16, 2006

PEOPLE WHO NEED A VIOLENT BEATING: VOL 3
Current mood: SPEECHLESS/RAGING



WRATHFUL & RAGE-FILLED GREETINGS WRATHKETEERS!

I PRESENT THE NEXT 2 RECIPIENTS OF THE "PEOPLE IN NEED OF A VIOLENT BEATING" AWARD: UNNAMED 11 YR OLD GIRL, HER MOTHER, 34.
WORDS FAIL ME...READ FOR YOURSELF

Girl, 11, will be Britain's youngest mother
By IAN DRURY, Daily Mail 08:52am 12th May 2006

A girl is to become Britain's youngest mother after becoming pregnant at 11.
The girl smokes 20 cigarettes a day despite being eight months' pregnant. She conceived aged 11 when she lost her virginity to a boy of 15 on a drunken night out with friends. The 15-year-old has since been charged with rape by police, and is due to appear again at Edinburgh sheriff court on July 10.
Her 34-year-old mother, who gave birth to her youngest child eight months ago, said she was 'proud' of her daughter.

She will be 12 years and 8 months when she has the child next month. Jenny Teague, Britain's youngest mother until now, was a month older when she gave birth in 1997.
The youngster, who lives near Edinburgh, says looking after her younger brothers has prepared her for motherhood.
But the girl admits she "panics and cries" when babies are unwell and does not feel able to bathe them.
The mother-to-be, who cannot be named for legal reasons, had unprotected sex with the teenage boy, who also cannot be identified, while drunk last August.
'Excited'
She told the Sun: "I didn't think I'd get pregnant because it was my first time. But I'm really excited and looking forward to being a mum.
"I can't wait to take the baby swimming and out for walks in the pram. I think I'll be able to cope as I've had lots of practice looking after my brothers.
"I know how to feed a baby its bottle and I can change nappies. But I panic and cry if they're sick and I don't like giving them a bath because I'm a bit frightened.
"It's good to know I'll have my mum here to help me if I need her."
Concerned she might be pregnant, the girl visited a GP three times but tests proved negative. She learned the truth after buying a home-testing kit from a supermarket.
After the device displayed two blue lines, indicating she was pregnant, she pleaded with a female relative to break the news to her mother. The girl, who has been suspended from her first year of secondary school for fighting, said: "I was paranoid about what my mum was going to say and just frightened about being pregnant too.
"I knew straight away that I couldn't have an abortion because that's something I don't believe in.
"I was upset and so was my mum, especially as she'd just had my wee brother. We had a big argument and I ended up locking myself in my room and running away to a friend's.
"It was really hard but it's brought me and my mum closer, which is good. I knew my mum would stand by me no matter what, but I told her straight away I was going to keep the baby.
"The social worker suggested I got rid of it but I'd never do that."
Smoking at nine
The girl, who has shoulder-length dark hair, began smoking at nine and started drinking tonic wine and vodka cocktails at ten. She claimed her cigarette habit was not harming the health of her unborn child.
She said: "I can give up smoking at any time, but I don't find it affects my pregnancy."
The girl, whose parents split up several years ago, said she would like a baby boy - and may call him Leo.
She is currently being educated at a local community centre but knows she must return to school.
She told the Sun: "My mum has said she will look after the baby so I can go to school. I don't know what I want to do with my life when I leave. I used to want to be a nursery nurse, but now I'm not so sure."
'Proud of my daughter'
Her mum said: "I'm not ashamed of my daughter at all - in fact, I'm proud of her for keeping the baby. "I know she's worried what other people will say but she can walk out there with her head held high. "At first I wasn't too happy about becoming a gran. But now I'm used to the idea. I'm really looking forward to having another baby in the house."
The Scottish Conservatives has called for society and families to unite to change attitudes towards sex following the news.

I THINK I NEED TO BATHE AND/OR VOMIT NOW- I FEEL DIRTY & NAUSEOUS AFTER READING THIS.

SW
Saturday, May 20, 2006

PEOPLE WHO NEED A VIOLENT BEATING- VOL 4
Current mood: SHAKING HEAD IN DISBELIEF



GREETINGS WRATHKETEERS!
NUMBER4 IN MY SERIES "PEOPLE WHO NEED A VIOLENT BEATING" COMES FROM TEH MYSTERIOUS AND FARAWAY LAND OF CHINA....

Loser steals thief's heart
(Shanghai Daily)
Updated: 2006-05-16 10:22


A thief fell for the woman whom he stole a wallet from and later returned it after he saw her photo in the wallet, Xinmin Evening News reported yesterday.

Miss Wang was hit by a man while she was riding her bicycle to a supermarket near Lujiazui area last month. While she cleaned herself off and got back onto the bike, she realized that the man had escaped with her wallet, which contained 1,000 yuan (US$125), a mobile phone, bank card, ID card and divorce certificate.

Wang called the police immediately but they were unable to find the thief.

Unexpectedly, when Wang returned to work several days ago, her colleague handed her the stolen items along with a letter, saying that the thief wanted to become close friends with her after seeing her divorce certificate.

Wang is a beautiful 32 years old, who likes makeup and looks fashionable and younger than her real age, said Wang's boyfriend, surnamed Xue. He also said that the thief may fall in love with Wang after seeing her pictures in the wallet.

Afraid that the thief may try to contact her at work or he will be angered by her calling the police, she plans to find another job to avoid him.

MMMMKAY- CONFUCIUS SAY: MUGGINGS ARE A BAD WAY TO MEET WOMEN.
Monday, June 12, 2006

PEOPLE WHO NEED A VIOLENT BEATING - VOL 5
Current mood: IN AWE




VENGEFUL & JUDICIAL GREETINGS WRATHKETEERS!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW THERE IS A SIDEKICK STEALER WITH A FINDERS-KEEPERS ATTITUDE OUT IN CORONA QUEENS! I WISH NO PHYSICAL HARM TO THE THIEF...BUT A SIGNIFICANT SHAMING AS WELL AS THE LEGAL RAMIFICATIONS THAT GO ALONG WITH THEIVERY & OTHER ACTS OF MORAL CRAPULENCE.

FINALLY WE HAVE A CHAMPION FOR THE CAUSE OF ACCOUTABILITY! I INTRODUCE TO YOU EVAN- THE STOLEN SIDEKICK GUY! HE HAS NOT ROLLED OVER AND SAID "OH WELL", NOR HAS HE BUCKLED UNDER THE WEIGHT OF DELAYS, THREATS AND NAYSAYERS.

READ ALL ABOUT IT HERE:

http://www.evanwashere.com/StolenSidekick/

FELLOW WRATHKETEERS- I, THE GRAND HIGH POOHBAH SQUIRRELLYWRATH CANONIZE BROTHER EVAN, THE SEEKER OF JUSTICE- AS AN HONOURARY SAINT IN THE ALMIGHTY CHURCH OF FOAMY, WRATHKERTEERIAN SECT.

HERE'S TO YOU EVAN...HEROS DON'T ALWAYS WEAR TIGHTS AND FLY, SOMETIMES THEY WEAR DOCKERS AND NEVER SAY DIE!

KUDOS TO YOU EVAN, KUDOS.

SKWERL
Saturday, June 24, 2006

A SHORT FRENCH MILITARY HISTORY
Current mood: NOT LIKING THE FRENCH


Hey Wrathketeers!!! It's time to drop some knowledge on your wrathful asses.

Don't laugh....

A Brief French *Military* History



Gaul vs. Julius Caesar - Gaul defeated by Rome circa 49 B.C. (Rome defeated the early French swine - the Frenchies had to Hail Julius Caesar as their new leader)

Gaul vs. Franks - Gaul defeated by Franks (the 'original' French, replaced by the Franks *sigh*)
Franks vs. Huns - Huns sack Paris circa 450 A.D. (Huns finally defeated here - Attila's ONLY defeat. Notice it was done by a German-Roman coalition, NOT the Franks)

Franks vs. Themselves - Clovis unites Franks into one kingdom around 511 A.D. He dies and the 'kingdom' falls apart at the seams. Ever hear of naming a successor or how bout a will?

Franks vs. Muslims - Charles Martel defeats a SMALL Muslim raiding party at the Battle of Tours in 732 A.D. Muslims lost interest so Charles claimed a 'great victory'. Notice they didn't follow up and kick the Muslims out of Spain though.....

Franks vs. Franks - Charlemagne crowned 'Emperor of the Romans', Christmas 800 A.D. Again this 'empire' fell apart by 840 A.D. - sheesh. Charlemagne could read but couldn't write - now what sense does that make?

Franks vs. Vikings - From 841 to 911 A.D. the Viking Warrior-Badasses mopped the Frankish countryside with Frank ass. France surrenders Normandy to Vikings 911 A.D. (Stupid mid-evil France was easily bullied by real warriors)

Franks vs. Black Death - 1347 - 1350 A.D. Black Death kills Frenchies good. This plague was said to originate in Mongolia, from the vermin. BUT, we all know it HAD to have came from the filthy French swine.

France vs. England - 100 Years War 1337 - 1453 A.D. Battle of Crecy - 1337 A.D. (English hand the French their own asses in the start of the 100 Years War with the timely use of the longbow. French knights are mowed down like the cannon fodder they were.) Battle of Poitiers, 1356 A.D. - More of the same. Battle of Agincourt, 1415 A.D. - Henry V gets some French butt-whoopin' action. Unfortunately, a heretic freak named Joan of Arc came along and united all the French Frogs and they managed to repel the English. And we all know where that got her....TOASTY.

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

France vs. France - 1572 A.D. St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre by Queen Catherine. She killed thousands of protestants and Jews. Hrm...that sounds really familiar - the FINAL SOLUTION ring any bells? Evidently these bastards were no better than Nazi Germany and yet they are proud of their heritage?

France vs. Europe - War of Spanish Succession 1648 A.D. (France tries to fight rest of Europe over Spain and looses to Frederick William of Germany)

France vs. Europe - 7 Years War or French Indian War 1756 A.D. (France gets beat up on 2 different continents by England and Germany plus the early future Americans - a guy named George Washington ring any bells?)

France vs. France - French Revolution 1789 - 1799A.D. (France kicks their own asses) Dr. Guillotine makes a handy invention that allows the Frenchies to chop off their own heads with amazing speed - thanks Jacobin Republicans!

France vs. Europe - Waterloo 1815 A.D. (Wellington delivers knockout to Napoleon - 2nd time. This comes AFTER the Russian Winter destroyed the largest army in the World and the U.S. conned old Nappy in the Louisiana Purchase - WHAT A BARGAIN!)

France vs. France - French Revolution (again) 1848 A.D. (France is still kicking their own asses on a smaller scale)

France vs. Mexico - late 1860s - early 1870s A.D. - France conquers Mexico. Wow! Amazing. What an accomplishment. Funny though, when the U.S. decided to enforce the Monroe Doctrine and in so many words told France to get the HELL out of our side of the world, they tucked tail and ran.

France vs. Prussia - Franco-Prussian War 1870 A.D. (William I of Germany kicks the teeth out of Napoleon III - good old Willy proclaims himself emperor of Germany at the Palace of Versailles - can you say bitchslap?) This all started because France opposed the unification of Germany - notice this starts a nasty chain of events that doesn't end till 1945......seems to me we can almost chalk up WWI and II on the dumbass French.

France vs. Germany - WWI 1914-1918 A.D. (Germany beats the hell out of France - without the aid of USA, France would be speaking German. France only won because of Uncle Sam jumped in - then those dumbass sore-winners in France impose an incredibly harsh Treaty of Versailles to 'punish' the Germans. Notice the resulting conditions of this allowed the rise of an unknown Austrian named HITLER.

France vs. Germany - Rise of Hitler 1933-1939 A.D. (Germany bullies France into letting them take more territory - the wussies wouldn't even fight over it - they adopted a policy of 'appeasement' - can you say SCARED?)

France vs. Germany Round II - WWII June 22, 1940 A.D. (France surrenders to Hitler at Compiegne after putting up a fight that made Polish Army look good. Notice Vichy France who quickly jumped ship to be friends with the Germans. And once again without the help of good old Uncle Sam the Atlantic Wall would never have been penetrated - France would either be a part of the 3rd Reich or a satellite country of Communist Russia under Uncle Joe Stalin)

France vs. Vietcong - Vietnam 1954 A.D. (French Army at Dien Bien Phu surrender to Ho Chi Minh)

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

Let's face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache.

FEEL THE BURN!!!
SKWERL
Monday, June 26, 2006

I'M FEELING NOT SO FRENCH
Current mood: MONDAY-RIFFIC, FUCKERS!

French Jokes!


Q. How do you say "Give me liberty or give me death!" in French?
A. I give up.
Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A. Nobody knows. It's never been tried.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The French Army.

Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel?
A. So the French government could to flee to London.

Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks?
A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun

Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

Q: What is the first thing you are taught when joining the French army?
A: To say "I surrender" in German

Q: Why was Jesus not born in France?
A: Because they couldnt find three wise men or a virgin.

Q: Did you hear about France's new weapons contracts?
A: They gave one to Ace Hardware to produce 250,000 wood sticks...they are still looking for a company to produce 250,000 little white flags.

Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried?
A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006

CELLPHONES AND THEIR RETARTED OWNERS


SO, I'M AT MY COUSIN'S FUNERAL. I'M CRYING, THE REST OF THE FAMILY IS CRYING- IT'S A SAD DAY. THEN WHAT BREAKS THE SNIFFLY SILENCE OF THE FUNERAL HOME- THE SOUND OF "MY HUMPS" ON SOMEONE'S CELL PHONE, IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED WITH CHINGY, AND THAT T-MOBILE DADA DEE DA- THEN THE SOUND OF TEXT MESSAGING GOING ON- IN THE FUNERAL PARLOURS VISITATION ROOM!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE TO PLACE AND RECEIVE CALLS: HERE IS A SHORT LIST OF BAD PLACES/TIMES.

1. A FUCKING FUNERAL FOR ONE!
2. A CHURCH, SYNAGOGUE, MOSQUE OR SIMILAR HOUSE OF WORSHIP
3. DURING CLASS
4. DURING EXAMS
5. IN A DOCTOR'S OFFICE- UNLESS TEH CELL IS WEDGED UP YOUR ASS
6. WHEN WAITING ON A CUSTOMER- DUDE, YOU'RE A FUCKING BARISTA- NOT DONALD TRUMP
7. WHILE GETTING WAITED ON- UNLESS THE PERSON ON THE OTHER END IS PLACING AN ORDER AS WELL...THEN MAKE IT SNAPPY.
8. FUCKING LIBRARIES PEOPLE!
9. WHEREVER INFANTS SLEEP, THE LITTLE BUGGERS MAKE A HELL OF A RACKET WHEN YOU WAKE THEM.
10. AT A WEDDING. MAN, IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE COJONES TO BUST IN THE DOOR AND MAKE A WILD ROMANTIC GESTURE- YOU DIDN'T REALLY WANT HER ANYWAY.

*STEPS OFF THE SOAPBOX*

GOOD DAY & HAPPY 4TH WRATHKETEERS
SKWERL
Monday, July 10, 2006

USING ELFIN MAGIC TO CLEAN YOUR HOME
Current mood: LALALALALA NOT LISTENING



SQUEAKY CLEAN GREETING TO YOU ALL, WRATHKETEERS!
I HAVE BEEN ON A BIT OF A CLEANING BINGE FOR THE LAST WEEK OR SO. THIS STARTED WHEN MY MOM- APPALED BY MY CARPETS, PROCEEDED TO BUY ME A NEW VACUUM. LET ME PREFACE THAT WITH THE FACT THAT THE VACUUM I BOUGHT LAST YEAR DECIDED IT DIDN'T WANT TO BE A VACUUM ANYMORE 3 MONTHS AGO.
YEAH, THE CARPETS WERE APPALING AT BEST.
ANYWAY, MY MOMMY BOUGHT ME THE X-BOX/NINTENDO OF UPRIGHT VACUUMS- A DYSON DC-14 ANIMAL!
YAY-FOR-ME!!!
THIS THING SUCKS LIKE A TOOTHLESS PROSTITUTE JONESING FOR SMACK.
THE FILTH THAT CAME FROM MY CARPETS ON ITS MAIDEN VOYAGE FILLED ME WITH SHAME- IT HAD TO BE EMPTIED 4 TIMES. EW
AFTER THE SHOCK WORE OFF I MOVED ON TO MY 2ND FAVOURITE CLEANING ITEM- THE MR CLEAN MAGIC ERASER. THIS SQUISHY WHITE BLOCK EFFECTIVELY CLEANS ANYTHING- WITHOUT SOAP. IT IS PARTICULARLY GOOD ON IMPOSSIBLE TO REMOVE STUFF LIKE MINERAL SCALE IN THE SHOWER, THE MYSTERY STAIN IN THE KITCHEN SINK- AND COMMUNISTS.
NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS MADE OUT OF, BUT IT COMES FROM GERMANY. I THEORIZE IT IS MADE BY ELVES IN THE MAGICAL BLACK FOREST- WHICH IS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED NEAR HANNOVER, GERMANY.
MY MOM IS FROM HANNOVER, AND SHE'S SHORT LIKE AN ELF, DYSON IS A GERMAN NAME- SO IT IS PROBABLY TRUE.
AND IF IT ISN'T- LALALALALALALA FUCK YOU I'M NOT LISTENING.
NOW I AM OFF TO SPRITZ THINGS WITH ZERO ODOR- ALSO MAGIC...IT MADE THAT MILDEW-Y/ASS SMELL IN MY CAR DISAPPEAR...LIKE MAGIC.

IT'S ELFIN MAGICK I TELLS YA
SKWERL
THIS COULD BE PROBLEMATIC Current mood: IN DENIAL
SO, WRATHKETEERS, YESTERDAY I TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT MY NEW VACUUM AND HOW MUCH I LIKE IT. IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT I MAY LIKE TO VACUUM TOO MUCH. I VACUUM WHEN I GET HOME IN THE MORNING, NAP, THEN MAYBE VACUUM SOME MORE. I VACUUM THE DOG, STAIRS, MY CAR...BATHROOM. I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF- EVERYTIME I GIVE IT A GO, THERE IS CRUD IN THE DUSTCUP- AND NOT A LITTLE EITHER. MY HOUSE IS APPX 110 YRS OLD, AND GENERATES IT'S OWN DUST. MY DOG MACK & I HAVE ALLERGIES- AND HE SHEDS- ALOT. BESIDES, IT HAS A 35 FT LONG CORD, & A 17 FT LONG STRETCHY HOSE, AND 12 AMPS OF SUPER SUCKETY SUCTION- SWEET!!!! AND ITS A COOL PURPLE.SEE, I JUST NEED TO VACUUM- I CAN STOP ANYTIME I WANT TO- REALLY.
SKWERL
Friday, July 14, 2006
IF ITS NOT ZITI- WTF IS IT THEN? Current mood: NO FUCKING BUONO
BUONO NITE-O WRATHKERINOS
SUNDAY ME AND MOTHRA (MY MOM) MADE BAKED ZITI FOR THE WEEK. IT WAS GREAT. WE GOT THE MOZZARELLA, SWEET SAUSAGE FROM THE PORK STORE, FRESH BASIL, GARLIC & PARSLEY- BUT FORGOT TO BUY ZITI MACARONIS. BEING THE EVER RESOURCEFUL ONE- I GRABBED WHAT I HAD ON HAND: FUSILLI, BOWTIES, PENNE & LITTLE SHELLS.YOU KNOW WHAT? IT CAME OUT GREAT, SO I TOOK IT TO WORK.APPARENTLY- ACCORDING TO THE FULL-BLOODED ITALIAN FACTION THAT I WORK WITH, WHAT I HAD MADE IS NOT ZITI, DESPITE IT IS MADE THE SAME WAY. I ASKED THEM "WHAT THE HELL IS IT THEN?"NO ONE COULD ANSWER THAT.I CALLED MY BELOVED, TOM (ALSO HIGHLY ITALIAN)- HE ADVISED ME THAT IT IS "BAKED ITALIAN STYLE PASTA DISH" AND NOTHING MORE.NO FANCYPANTS NAME, NOTHING. WELL, AT LEAST IT KEPT ME AWAY FROM THE DYSON.
SKWERL
WHAT EVERY CUBICLE NEEDS Current mood: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
HELLO YOU WRATHFUL FUCKERS!AS YOU WELL KNOW ITS AS HOT AS SATAN'S SCROTUM HERE IN THE NORTHEAST, WHICH DRIVES ME INDOORS TO EXCERSIZE MY DIZZYING INTELLECT RATHER THAN GETTING HEATSTROKE WITH A REAL WORKOUT.
AS I SIT HERE IN MY OFFICE PRISON MY MIND TURNS TO AMUSEMENTS AND CONVENIENCES THAT MAKE BEING A VEGETABLE ON THE CUBE FARM FUN & EASY.1. A SIT-N-SPIN...CUZ THEY'RE FUN2. A RETRACTABLE/ADJUSTABLE FOOTREST3. ONE OF THOSE BENDY PILLO-RESTS FOR NIGHTSHIFT NAPPING (NOW THE ONLY PAIN IN THE NECK IS METAPHORICAL)4. AN ADULT SIZE BIG WHEEL TO RIDE WHILE RUNNING ERRANDS5. A MASSAGE THERAPIST *OR* ONE OF THOSE BROOKSTONE MASSAGE CHAIRS6. LEGOS!!!!!!7. DARTBOARD8. LIVE BAND/BOSE WAVE RADIO- SPACE PERMITTING9. ALL HOLD MUZAK SHOULD BE BANNED AND REPLACED WITH CLASSIC ROCK OR STAND UP COMEDY.10. AN OFFICE PET...LIKE MY DOG, HE'S INERT AND 85 LBS OF DROOLY LOVE FOR ALL.COMMENT/POST YOUR IDEAS AT WILL
SKWERL