Current mood: FUCKERY+ CRANKY = ME :)
SO AS I ENTER THE 35TH YEAR OF MY BIRTH, I HAVE BEGUN TO RUE THE DAY I WAS SHAT FROM MY MOTHER'S WOMB. I FEEL I HAVE MADE NO WORTHWHILE CONTRIBUTION TO THE WORLD OR MY INNER CIRCLE...ALL BECAUSE I GOT SIDETRACKED IN MY 20'S.
I SPENT MY 20'S CHAINED TO ONE UNDESERVING ASSHOLE OR ANOTHER. MY LOVE AND AFFECTION WAS USED AS A WEAPON, A RESTRAINT & A MEANS TO MY CONFIDENCE'S DESTRUCTION. NOW I'M LOOKING DOWN THE BARREL OF OF THE 40'S AND I AM STARTING TO WONDER WHY. WHY WOULD SUCH DOUCHEBAGGERY WANT A HOME IN MY HEART? WHY WAS I SO EASILY TRICKED INTO THINKING THEY ACTUALLY LOVED ME? WHY DID I NOT SEE IT FOR WHAT IT WAS, NOT WHAT I WANTED IT TO BE?
WHY DID I WASTE 8 YEARS TETHERED TO A GUY WHY USED ME AS ARMCANDY & A FUCK TOY FOR 4 OF THOSE YEARS BEFORE HE ENEN CONDESCENDED TO MAKE ME HIS ACTUAL GIRLFRIEND? WHY DID I MOVE BACK FROM SAN JUAN TO LET IT CONTINUE? WHY AM I SO PISSED THAT HE GOT SOME 22 YEAR OLD KNOCKED UP & THEN MARRIED HER 2 MONTHS LATER. I DUMPED HIM, I DON'T HAVE ANY ROMANTIC FEELING TOWARD HIM...MAYBE I'M JUST PISSED THAT I JUMPED THRU SO MANY HOOPS JUST TO GET THE SLIGHTEST GLIMMER OF AFFECTION...WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT KNOCKED UP.
IT SEEMS TO ME I AM MY OWN WORSE ENEMY, I HAVE HAD TOO MUCH FAITH IN THE HEARTS OF MEN...ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT ARE ALLEDGEDLY "GOOD" ONLY TO BE LEFT TO WRACK & RUIN. I ASK VERY LITTLE OF THEM- AND THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT I HAVE GOTTEN.
I BASICALLY LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT REGRET- UNTIL NOW. I REGRET BELIEVING ANY MAN WHO WAS NOT MY DAD EVER REALLY CARED FOR ME. I REGRET TAKING SO MUCH SHIT. I REGRET NOT EXPECTING & DEMANDING MORE METAPHYSICALLY & ROMANTICALLY OF THE MEN IN MY LIFE. I REGRET FEELING GUILTY FOR BEING ANGRY BECAUSE OF IT. THAT CAN'T BE HEALTHY
THAT BEING SAID- TO ALL OF YOU 'GENTLEMEN' WHO USED OR HURT ME UNDER THE GUISE OF AFFECTION: MAY YOUR NEXT SHIT BE SQUARE & DRY, HOPE YOU DIE IN A FIERY PLANE CRASH AND THAT THE DEVIL CORNHOLES YOU NIGHTLY...OH, AND MAY YOUR PEEN & MANBERRIES BE COVERED WITH PAPERCUTS, AND OPEN HERPETIC COLD SORES DOUSED WITH SALTY LEMON JUICE. NOTHING WOULD BRING ME MORE PLEASURE, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU PROBABLY COULDN'T. (YEAH THATS RIGHT- I FAKED IT A FEW TIMES, NOW GUESS WITH WHOM...BWAHAHAHAHAA) mine is an evil laugh muahahahaha
WELL- THAT DOES MAKE ME FEEL BETTER...NOW THAT UNPLEASANTNESS IS OFF MY SIZABLE CHEST I CAN MOVE ON AND SEEK OUT A NON-FUCKWIT WHICH I CAN SHARE THE BOUNTY OF MY HEART & 'ASSETS' WITH
-SKWERL, PATRON SAINT TO THE UNDERESTIMATED
Currently listening : Down - Over The Under By Down
On Tuesday, September 11th, 0847 am EDT- at the beginning of a new day of infamy....a little girl was born.
9/11 will always mean balloons & cake & presents to her. Barbie pink, High School Musical and Happy Birthday will be remembered. She will always be the princess on that day. There will be smiles and singing and laughter on her day.
On 9/11 she will be Sweet 16, and the belle of the ball.
9/11 will be the day she gets her drivers license, her 1st legal beer- maybe a tattoo.
9/11 will be the day she goes from her carefree 20's to her adult 30's.
Her little girl or boy will wreck her kitchen on 9/11, attempting to make some very bad waffles & burnt toast served in bed. (Their dad will do clean up duty)
That's the day I will try to remember, without forgetting the rest.
god bless- skwerl
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Right Handed or Left Handed:
IRISH, GERMAN RUSSIAN
The Shoes You Wore Today:
MUSICIANS, STRAY ANIMALS
DEATH BY GARBAGE TRUCK
Your Perfect Pizza:
PEPPERS, MUSHROOMS, SAUSAGE
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:
SIZE 10, NEW JOB
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
Thoughts First Waking Up:
Your Best Physical Feature:
Your Most Missed Memory:
Pepsi or Coke:
MacDonalds or Burger King:
Single or Group Dates:
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
Chocolate or Vanilla:
Cappuccino or Coffee:
Do you Smoke:
Do you Swear:
Do you Sing:
Have you Been in Love:
YES, STUPID HEART
Do you want to go to College:
Do you want to get Married:
Do you believe in yourself:
Do you get Motion Sickness:
Do you think you are Attractive:
Are you a Health Freak:
Do you get along with your Parents:
Do you like Thunderstorms:
AFTER I UNPLUG MY ELECTRONICS, YES
Do you play an Instrument:
YES, A FEW
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:
In the past month have you Smoked:
In the past month have you been on Drugs:
In the past month have you gone on a Date:
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:
In the past month have you been on Stage:
In the past month have you been Dumped:
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
Ever been Drunk:
Ever been called a Tease:
Ever been Beaten up:
How do you want to Die:
A MESSY BLAZE OF GLORY
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
What country would you most like to Visit:
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:
Favourite Hair Color:
Short or Long Hair:
BALD IS BEAUTIFUL
Best Clothing Style:
JEANS, TSHIRTS, CHUCKS
Number of Drugs I have taken:
Number of CDs I own:
QUITE A FEW
Number of Piercings:
Number of Tattoos:
4 BY THE END OF OCT.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:
NOT A DAMN THING..>
Currently listening : American Psycho By Misfits
GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS MY WRATHKETEERS.
TODAY I AM FEELING QUITE RANTY. BETTER BUCKLE UP
I HAVE A CRAPPY JOB. I DON'T HIDE IT, NOR DO I HATE IT. THE PAY IS SHIT, NO BENEFITS, PAID HOLIDAYS AND I WORK HALF OF EVERY WEEKEND. YET STILL I DONT HATE IT. I HAVE A DEGREE, LIVE FOR THE TECHNOLOGY THAT THE DEATHSTAR EXPOSES ME TO, SECRETLY RESENTING THE FULLTIME TECHS FOR DOING WHAT I CAN ONLY WISH TO DO. STILL, I DON'T HATE MY JOB.
ITS NOT ENOUGH THAT HALF OF US GET PAID 50% TO 1/3 OF WHAT OUR INDUSTRY COUNTERPARTS GET WHILE THE REST GET OUTSOURCED TO SOMEPLACE WHERE THE WORKERS ARE PAID IN TINFOIL, BITS OF STRING & FOOD. ITS NOT ENOUGH THAT THERE IS ONE COMMUNAL STAPLER & POST IT PAD FOR 50 PEOPLE TO USE.IT'S NOT ENOUGH THAT THE WATER PURIFIER/COOLER WAS REMOVED (WE HAVE WELL WATER & SEPTIC HERE- DRINKING THAT SWILL IS OUT OF THE QUESTION.)
SO WHAT COERCED MY IRE?
THEY REPLACED THE ALREADY SHITTY, FLIMSY, SUPER MEGA ROLL TOILET PAPER THAT REPLACED THE ORIGINAL SO-SO NORMAL ROLL TP- WITH AN EVEN SHITTIER, NEARLY TRANSPARENT *AND* SCRATCHY TOILET PAPER. NO MATTER HOW CAREFULLY YOU TRY TO PULL IT FROM THE DISPENSER IT SHREADS INTO MICROSCOPIC SPLINTERS AND TATTERS, TATTERS THAT LEAVE MY HINDQUARTERS FEELING NOT SO FRESH & A LITTLE SORE.
TO CALL IT JOHN WAYNE BRAND WOULD BE AN INSULT TO JOHN WAYNE SINCE HE WAS TOUGH AS NAILS AND DON'T TAKE SHIT OFF NO ONE. THIS IS MORE LIKE ABRASIVE FAIL ON A ROLL.
FUCKING DEATHSTAR, YOU FAIL
THANK YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE....I THINK I LOVE YOU.
Kids- I dont have kids. My friends dont have kids. My experience with little kids is fairly limited. However, i have fairly extensive experience with junior high and high school kids. And y'know what? They're spoiled, arrogant little assholes. When I see some kid at the restaurant that wont take off his headphones or put away his PSP to eat dinner, I want to slap his parents in the face. When I watch Nanny 911 or Supernanny and I hear some beanbag housewife whining that she cant control her 3 year old, I want to kick my television set to the floor. When I hear some little crotchfruit at Meijers throwing a tantrum because he cant have a video game/candy bar/toy, I want to go up to him and scream at him as loudly as i possibly can, until my throat is raw and bleeding and i'm screaming a fine red mist all over this little shit's face. What the fuck ever happened to discipline? NO MEANS NO. It doesnt even have to involve spankings, I was spanked maybe 3 times when I was a kid. Those 3 times were enough. YOU'RE the parent, YOU'RE the adult, YOU ARE IN CONTROL. I'm sorry, but if you're 30 and cant control a 3 year old you belong in a home with someone spooning applesauce into your stupid piehole. If you dont want to take the time to be a parent, dont have kids. It IS a choice, if abortion is against your beliefs then give the baby up to one of the thousands of couples who cant have kids but desperatly want them. (unless their gay, because we all know gay people cant raise babies. two people who love eachother are only allowed children if the peepees dont match.) Parenting takes time and effort, I'm pretty sure on that one, and by time and effort I do NOT mean plunking them down in front of the television for 5 hours. It does not mean buying a 4 year old an X-BOX 360 so "he wont get bored." HE'S 4. A four year old can play with a box and some lawn chairs for hours on end, and be perfectly happy. However, when the kid is stacking the lawnchairs on the box and then trying to stand on top of it and falls, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SUE THE LAWN CHAIR COMPANY. You were supposed to be watching him, hell, maybe helping him build his fort, not sitting on your ass in the other room talking on the phone, painting your nails, and watching Dr. Phil. You are not entitled to monetary damages because you're an idiot. I wish I was a judge, I'd be like Judge Judy except with more profanity. People, the world has been dumbed down enough. Stop freaking out and whining about television/music/games/movies and fucking it up for adults. You dont like the vulgar music your kids listen to? I agree, it's a little disturbing to have a 10 year old walking around singing "my humps" or "crazy bitch", so maybe dont buy them the cd's? I like the cd's and I'm 26 years old, but because of your bitching certain stores wont carry the cds I might enjoy. You dont like violent video games? Quit waiting in line for 234231 hours the day after Thanksgiving to buy them x-box nine billion. Does your 8 year old really need a shirt that says TEASE and itty bitty shorts that say JUICY on the butt? You want to paint her a big red sandwich board that says "PEDOPHILES PLEASE LOOK AT ME" while you're at it? Exercise a little discipline and maybe some personal self-control. You dont have to buy them everything they ask for. Or, if some analogies might help you out here, quit digging your own grave, quit making the bed that you will sleep in, quit shooting yourself in the foot. Do not buy a video game and then freak out and attempt to sue video game companies because it "made" your kid attempt to torch your neighbors cat. Do some research. Wait, that might take up some of your Days of our Lives programming time, maybe try it at night, after you shoot your husband down for sex because you've been too tired "watching the kids" all day. He can sneak off to his laptop to look at porn, you can sit in the living room and actually try making yourself a better parent. It's so much easier to do that without those pesky kids around. Fuck you and your whiny, spoiled, irritating, pussy kids. (and before you email me saying YOU'RE NOT A MOTHER SO YOU DONT KNOW, realize that I dont care. Whether or not I'm a mother has nothing to do with how crappy you are as a parent. When I see your child, it's in public, where they should be on their best behavior. If this is how they act in public, good fucking luck with them at home.)
DON IMUS IS A DOUCHEBAG...BUT THAT DOUCHEBAG LIVES HERE IN THE GOOD OLD U.S. OF A- WHICH MEANS HE HAS THE FREEDOM TO SAY DOUCHEBAGGY THINGS TILL HIS VOICE GOES HOARSE- PERIOD. HIS DETRACTORS ALSO HAVE THE RIGHT TO DISAGREE OPENLY, WITHOUT FEAR OF REPRISAL. GOD BLESS AMERICA.
I REMEMBER JESSE JACKSON'S HEIMEYTOWN COMMENT- NO ONE CALLED FOR HIS HEAD ON A PLATTER, NOR DID ANYONE SEEK VENGEANCE FOR THE NUMEROUS RACIST AND OFFENSIVE COMMENTS FROM SHARPTON, ROSIE O'DONNELL, OR THE ILLUSTRIOUS LEADER OF THE NATION OF ISLAM LOUIS FARRAKHAN. BESIDES, MOST OF WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY IS BLAH BLAH BLAH TO GET THEM ON TV.
FREE SPEECH ISN'T ALWAYS PRETTY, OFTENTIMES IT IS OFFENSIVE, CONDESCENDING AND BORING...BUT OPINIONS LIKE ASSHOLES- ARE FOR EVERYONE.
WHEN I HEAR SO MANY WHINE ABOUT THE U.S. BEING A RACIST NATION, I THINK BACK TO THE LATE 50'S AND 60'S- BLACK FOLKS WERE SEGREGATED; COULDN'T SHARE A LUNCH AT THE SAME DINER COUNTER, USE THE SAME DRINKING FOUNTAINS, RESTROOMS...SCHOOLS. THAT WAS A RACIST NATION. NOW FAST FORWARD TO 2007 AND LOOK AT THE POWER STRUCTURE OF OUR GOVERNMENT. IT IS VERY COLOURFUL INDEED. DON'T BELIEVE ME: THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD ISN'T THE PRESIDENT...ITS THE SECRETARY OF STATE- WHO I'D LIKE TO REMIND YOU IS AN INTELLIGENT BLACK WOMAN FROM A SMALL TOWN CALLED TITUSVILLE, ALABAMA. SHE SUCCEEDED COLIN POWELL- WHO GREW UP DIRT POOR, AND ALSO HAPPENS TO BE STRONG BLACK MAN. WHAT A DIFFERENCE A FEW DECADES MADE IN THE HEARS AND MINDS OF MEN.
MAKE NO MISTAKE, THERE IS RACISM IN THE HEARTS OF ALL OF US, BUT GIVING CREEDENCE BY FEEDING THE MACHINE WON'T NEGATE ITS PROGRESS...PAYING IT NO MIND AND PROVING IT WRONG WILL.
NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING...EXCEPT FOR THE SEX PART- I NEED A GOOD SHAG.
THANKFULLY MY FRIENDS HAVE MADE SURE I DON'T INDULGE WHERE I SHOULDN'T (THANKS BRENDA, LEAD SINGERS = NO, BAD SHANNON)
IT THIS UNENDING WINTER, NO SEX AND NO CAR HAVING THING- ITS GETTING ME DOWN. THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL SORTOF. THE ENGINE IS ON ITS WAY! YAY- MY LITTLE TOPLESS PONY WILL BE COMING HOME SOON WITH A BRANDY NEW ENGINE- WHICH I MAY MODIFY FOR HORSEPOWER. IF I CAN'T GET LAID, AT LEAST I CAN GO FAST.
THE JOB FRONT IS LOOKING UP- A LOVELY HEADHUNTRESS HAS FOUND ME ND IS SEEKING BETTER EMPLOYMENT FOR THE SKWERL, AND I HAVE BEEN GETTING HIT ON MORE. I MAY BE CHANGING THE HAIRCOLOUR -RED? LIGHTER BLONDE? GOTHY BLACK- WHO KNOWS. WRATHKETEERIAN INPUT IS WELCOME.
FOR SOMETIME NOW I HAVE BEEN CONTEMPLATING A MOVE BACK TO WARMER CLIMES- IF TELEFONICA IS LOOKING FOR ME, I MAY GO BACK TO SAN JUAN..THE FUTURE IS WIDE OPEN.
COME ON SPRING!
SKWERLY NEEDS A NEW LIFE!
THE SADNESS OVERTOOK ME AS I WAS SETTLING DOWN TO SLEEP AROUND 10AM. I COULD HEAR THE SUGARY PRECIPITATON HIT THE WINDOWPANE, THE SOFT BLANKETS AND SHEETS FORMING A LOVELY COCOON TO BLOCK OUT THE WORLD AND CARRY ME TO SLEEPYLAND. AS I DRIFTED OFF MY MIND BEGAN TO RACE WITH THOUGHTS OF EVERY HURT I HAVE EXPERIENCED IN THE LAST YEAR.
IT HAS BEEN A TOUGH YEAR FOR THE HEART, REPEATED BREAKINGS, USINGS, LIES, LOSSES AND DISAPPOINTMENTS. THANKFULLY I AM STILL HERE, AND FOR THE MOST PART SANE, AND MOST CERTAINLY LESS TRUSTING. I HAVE FINALLY ADOPTED SOME GUIDELINES AND EXPECTATIONS SO I CAN AVOID THIS WAAAH-FEST IN THE FUTURE.
I WILL STILL REMAIN THE ETERNAL OPTIMIST- SEEING THE BEST IN PEOPLE DESPITE EVIDENCE TO CONTRARY...JUST NOT ALLOWING MYSELF TO RISK OR OPEN UP TOO MUCH ON A ONE-SIDED PROSPECT. YOU HAVE TO ANTE UP- PERIOD. I SHAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE TO FEEL THE PINCH. I TIRE OF DOING ALL THE LOVING, HURTING AND CRYING- MEANWHILE THE OTHER PARTY IS TO ACT IN A MANNER WITHOUT REGARD TO HOW IT MAY HURT OTHERS. PRIOR BEHAVIOUR IS A GOOD INDICATOR OF FUTURE ACTS- YOU WILL HAVE TO EARN MY TRUST BEFORE YOU GET THE KEYS TO MY HEART, HOUSE OR CAR. MY DOG CAN SENSE ASSHOLE FROM 50 YARDS.
YOU DON'T LIKE THAT? TO THE SELFISH BASTARDS OUT THERE:WELL, GO CAN FUCK YOURSELF, YOUR EX, YOUR DOG- BUT DEFINITELY NOT ME.
TO THE LUCKY GUY I CHOOSE TO ACCOMPANY ON THIS PATH OF LIFE: HE WILL BE REWARDED WITH ALL THAT I HAVE TO OFFER. (ACCORDING TO SOME- THAT'S QUITE A BIT: BRAINS, EASY ON THE EYE, FUNNY AS HELL, UNDERSTANDS/LIKES MANY SPORTS, BEER & AIN'T AFRAID TO GET DIRTAAY)
HAPPY IDES OF FEBRUARY
NASCAR 2007 SEASON IS DUE TO OFFICIALLY START THIS SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY @ THE DAYTONA 500. (FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW I AM A CLOSET NASCAR WATCHER & DALE JARRETT FAN) THIS SEASON WILL BRING LOTS OF SURPRISES AND SHAKE-UPS.
THIS YEAR DALE JARRETT WILL RACE FOR THE UPSTART MICHAEL WALTRIP RACING...IN OF ALL THINGS- A TOYOTA! HE HAS CHANGED HIS NUMBER TO 44, BUT WILL REMAIN AS THE UPS CAR. JARRETT DECIDED TO MOVE TO MWR FROM YATES FOR HIS LAST 2 YEARS BEFORE RETIREMENT BECAUSE "he felt like his progress had stagnated -- he needed a little jazzing up to his repertoire." (nascar.com 1/13/07.) HE SIMPLY DIDN'T FEEL LIKE RUNNING OUT THE CLOCK SILENTLY UNTIL HIS RETIREMENT....HE WANTED TO REBEL & RAISE HELL. SURELY THE BOLD MOVE TO TOYOTA WILL DO JUST THAT.
MUCH WAILING AND WHINING IN RACE WORLD COMMENCED WHEN DARRYLL WALTRIP ENTERED TOYOTA IN THE NASCAR TRUCK SERIES- THIS YEAR'S TOYOTA CAMRY IN THE NEXTEL CUP WILL NO DOUBT BRING ABOUT RIOT GEAR. MANY DYED IN THE WOOL NASCAR FANS FEEL IT BLASPHEMY TO ENTER A "FOREIGNER" IN THE MOST AMERICAN OF PASTTIMES, ALL THE WHILE THEY HAVE NO CLUE THAT THE SAME RACING FORDS & CHEVYS ARE ENTIELY BUILT IN MEXICO & CANADA RESPECTIVELY. THE DODGE'S ARE BUILT BY DAIMLER CHRYSLER IN ONTARIO. THE ONLY AMERICAN BUILT CAR IN THE NEXTEL CUP SERIES *IS* THE TOYOTA!
SO HERE IS MY SALUTE TO THE HANDSOME AND HELLRAISING DALE JARRETT, FOR GIVING TWO FINGERS TO THE MAN. SHAKE AND BAKE BROTHER!
PS: DEAR GOD PLEASE SMITE DOWN THE EVIL & DOUCHEBAGGY TONY STEWART#20 CAR, AND WORLD PEACE...AMEN
a creative outburst- by me
i am the sun
all you dream of
all you seek
i am the light
i am the bitter virgin
i am the saintly whore
the fear, the fury, the truth and lies
i am the one who waits
and the one who rushes in
and the master
the brave and meek
i am the one by your side
and the hole in your heart
the one you dismiss
the one you long for
i am the one you love
i am the one you hate
ONCE AGAIN I HAVE SLEPT THRU THE SUPERBOWL, BUT THANKS TO THE MAGIC OF TEH INTERWEBS THE COMMERCIALS CAN BE WATCHED ON YOUTUBE AT ONE'S LEISURE WITHOUT ALL THAT PESKY SPORT GETTING IN THE WAY.
(JUST KIDDING, I REALLY WANTED TO SEE THE GAME, BUT I WAS WRAPPED UP IN OTHER THINGS SO PARTY PLANNING WAS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.)
THIS WEEKEND I HAD A RATHER ODD REACTION TO A RANDOM ACT OF CARING- IT FREAKED ME THE FUCK OUT. I WAS AT MY FRIENDS BAR...GETTING MY DRINK ON AND ON...AND ON. MY KIND FRIENDS TOOK MY KEYS AND MADE SURE I WAS SAFE. I WAS SO TOUCHED BY THAT. MOST PEOPLE IN MY PERVIEW WOULD HAVE LET ME WRAP MY LITTLE PONY AROUND THE NEAREST STATIONARY OBJECT OR WORSE. I WAS PROVIDED A FLAT SURFACE TO PASS OUT ON AND A LARGE GLASS OF WATER TO HELP PREVENT THE HANGOVER THAT WAS SOON TO FOLLOW.
SO HERE'S TO GOOD FRIENDS WHO, INSPITE OF THE WORLD- THINK I AM SOOOO AWESOME AS TO NOT LET ANYTHING BAD HAPPEN TO ME AND MY BESTEST BUDDY- THE CAR.
Here is your AstroSlamfor Monday, January 15:
Boycott all forms of technological communication today. There will nothing but bad news in your email inbox, and your phone is nothing more than a conduit to disaster.
SKWERL OF THE STARZ
RE: YOU BEING AN ASSHOLE
DEAR LOUDMOUTHED ASSHOLE NEIGHBOUR;
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I DON'T NEED TO HEAR YOU SCREAMING AT YOUR WIFE & KIDS EVERY FUCKING DAY. I WORK NIGHTS YOU SNAGGLE TOOTHED DRUNKEN FUCKWIT. MY BEDROOM & LIVING ROOM WINDOWS ARE 10 FEET FROM YOUR HOMEY HELLSTEAD...AND I HEAR IT ALL.
FAILURE TO ADOPT SOME SEMBLANCE OF CIVILITY CAN & WILL INCUR MY SQUIRRELLY WRATH. SHOULD *MY* DISCOMFORT NOT PROVE ADEQUATE IMPETUS FOR CHANGE, LET ME APPEAL TO *YOURS*. THAT BOY OF YOURS WILL BE HITTING PUBERTY SOON ENOUGH...AND JUDGING BY HIS CURRENT RATE OF GROWTH HE'S GOING TO BE BIG ENOUGH TO BE ON THE DEFENSIVE LINE, WITH THE IMPULSE CONTROL OF, WELL A TEENAGE BOY. HE IS GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS FOR EVERYTIME YOU CALLED HIM A PUSSY, ASSHOLE OR LOSER. MY WISH IS THAT THE BOY BREAKS YOUR JAW. MAYBE 2 MONTHS OF JAW WIRED SILENCE & LIQUID DIET WILL CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
THE GIRL ON THE OTHER HAND, BREAKS MY HEART. YOU ARE HER MODEL OF HOW A MAN IS SUPPOSED TO TREAT A WOMAN. YOU HAVE SHOWN HER THAT AN IDEAL MATE IS A VERBALLY ABUSIVE, LAZY ALCOHOLIC UNEMPLOYED DOUCHEBAG THAT REQUIRES WOMEN TO MAKE HIS WAY FOR HIM. IF SHE'S LUCKY- SHE WILL DRAW THE CONNECTION THAT WHAT SHE WITNESSED WAS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT NOT TO DO. SADLY HISTORY ISN'T AS OPTIMISTIC AS I.
I PRAY THAT BOTH OF YOUR OFFSPRING HAVE THE INSTINCT TO REALIZE THIS ISN'T THEIR LEGACY, THERE IS KINDNESS & SUCCESS WAITING FOR THEM ONCE THEY STEP FROM THE "TRADITIONAL FAMILY ENVIRONMENT" YOU HAVE CREATED. THAT IS STILL A FEW YEARS AWAY.
SO IN THE MEANTIME- SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I START PLAYING HATEBREED & CHILDREN OF BODUM AT FULL BLAST AGAIN.
P.S.: STOP HOGGING ALL THE PARKING, WANKER.
SO ON MY NIGHT OFF...WHICH FOR REASONS I'D RATHER NOT GET IN TO- THURSDAY NIGHT FOUND ME IN FRONT OF MY LARGE GLORIOUS TV, MY DARLING MOTHER BOUGHT ME FOR CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I'M THE FAVOURITE NOW.
I WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE HIGHLANDER. IT'S A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE (EXCEPT THAT ANNOYING SCREAMING HALF WIT CHICK) BECAUSE AMONG SOME OF ITS ATTRIBUTES QUEEN DID THE SOUNDTRACK & SEAN CONNERY IS IN IT. HE IS THE MAN, A MAN'S' MAN- A MAN AMONG MEN.
FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION: IF YOU LOOK UP THE WORD AWESOME AND YOU WILL FIND SEAN CONNERY GIVING A ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO CHUCK NORRIS, SHOOTING VIN DIESEL WITH HIS LASER BEAM EYES WHILE BITCH SLAPPING MR T LIKE THE WHORE HE IS.
ANYWAY- SEAN CONNERY'S CHARACTER IS NAMED RAMIREZ...NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT NAME. IT IS A FINE SPANISH NAME MEANING RAMIREZ. (J/K) WHATEVER. NOW HAVING SEEN QUITE A FEW OF HIS PERFORMANCES, I HAVE NOTICED HE HAS QUITE A BIT OF RANGE, BUT NO ABILITY TO NOT SOUND SCOTTISH. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY BONE OF CONTENTION: IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD HAS THERE EVER BEEN A SCOTSMAN CALLED RAMIREZ? I'M NOT SCOTISHOLOGIST BUT, I FIND THAT HIGHLY UNLIKELY. "AHGH LASSIE, ME NAME IS RAMIREZ, OF THE CLAN RAMIREZ- LET ME TAKE YE AWAY, AND WE'LL HAVE HAGGIS."
I THINK NOT
I JUST GOT BACK FROM MY 4AM CIGARETTE. I CUT IT SHORT DUE TO SCARY WILDERNESS NOISES NEARBY. UNSURE OF WHAT IT WAS, I DECIDED NOT TO LEAVE MY FATE TO THE WORLD'S MOST INEFFECTUAL SECURITY GUARD.
IT WENT LIKE THIS: RAAAAAAAAAAHWR RAAAAAAAAAAHWR RAAAAAAAAAAHWR.
WHAT THE HELL MAKES THAT KIND OF NOISE? CHUPA CABRA? JERSEY DEVIL? (I DOUBT THE JERSEY DEVIL THOUGH, IT DIDN'T SAY YO' HEY YOU.) ONE OF MY EXES? DEMON RABBIT?
BLAH BLAH BLAH- MEN. BLAH BLAH BLAH- BASTARDS. BLAH BLAH BLAH- DIE DIE DIE. BLAH BLAH BLAH WRATH WRATH WRATH. BLAH BLAH BLAH- RWANDA. BLAH BLAH BLAH...
OH JUST WATCH THE FUCKING FILM
NOW PISS OFF
Current mood: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE-VALENTINE'S DAY IS NIGHHAPPIEST & JOYOUS OF NEW YEARS TO ALL!
THE SAVING GRACE OF JANUARY IS NEW YEARS DAY. WE MAKE RESOLUTIONS, AVOWING BRIGHT AND BRILLIANT CHANGE- TRANSFORMATIONS APLENTY!
(REALITY CHECK: STATISTICALLY, MOST WILL PUSS OUT BY THE 18TH, SO DON'T SIGN UP FOR THE YEAR MEMBERSHIP- OK?)
REALITY CHECK ASIDE, THE HANGING OF A NEW CALENDAR FILLS ME WITH PROMISE. I HAVE A WHOLE YEAR OF SUCCESSES (AND BULLSHIT) TO MAKE A WAKE THRU. ALL NEW UNTAPPED SPRINGS OF WRATHINESS AND EQUAL MEASURES OF BLINDING INSIGHT!
WHAT A WAY TO START! WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY POINT...I SPENT NEW YEAR'S EVE AT WORK, AND WATCHED ONE OF MY FAVOURITE MOVIES 'BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY' & 'BRIDGET JONES: THE EDGE OF REASON' AND THEN IT OCCURRED TO ME...I AM BRIDGET JONES!
LET'S SEE: I'M SINGLE, EDUCATED, WITTY, AND AFRAID TO DIE FAT & ALONE ONLY TO BE DISCOVERED 3 WEEKS LATER HALF EATEN BY WILD DOGS.
I ALSO WADE THRU A SEA OF DANIEL CLEEVER'S, WITH THEIR SILVER TONGUED DOUCHEBAGGERY & HEARTBREAK- ALL IN SEARCH OF MY MR. DARCY.
I HAVE MADE PROGRESS IN MY PERSONAL LIFE BY CLEARING MY HEAD OF AS MUCH BULLSHIT AS I CAN IN ORDER TO EVADE & RECOVER FROM THE DANIEL CLEEVER'S THAT HAVE CROSSED MY PATH.
WELL, IN THE MEANTIME- I'LL KEEP SWIMMING. HAPPY NEW YEAR'S WRATHKETEERS.
SKWERL LANG SYNE