12.13.2006

CHRISTMAS & THE SINGLE LIFE

Current mood: WHY DOES MY INNER VOICE SOUND LIKE LITTLE RICHARD AT A TENT REVIVAL?


THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS THIS CHRISTMAS FROM SUCKING AS BAD AS PREVIOUS YEARS IS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO OBSESS OVER "DID HE GET ME SOMETHING? "WILL HE LIKE THIS?" "WILL I SEE HIM?" "DOES HE REALLY CARE?"
(CUE THE TENT REVIVAL MUSIC...)

'CAUSE I AIN'T WITH THAT OR ANY OTHER SELFISH MOTHERFUCKER THIS YEAR- ALLA-FUCKING-LOOOYA
(CAN I HAVE AN AMEN!)

I DONE PUT UP THE CHRISTMAS TREES: ONE IN MY LIVING ROOM, ONE IN MY BEDROOM.
(THAT'S RIGHT)

LIGHTS ON THE HOUSE
(AMEN SISTER SKWERL)

PIMP LIGHTS ON MY WORKSPACE
(TESTIFY, AMEN)

I HAVE GOTTEN THE SWIRLY OF DESPAIR!
(OH YES)

I HAVE WRESTLED WITH THE LAWN GNOMES OF LONELIENESS
(DAMN RIGHT)

I HAVE OVERCOME!
(PREACH IT SISTER SKWERL)

I AIN'T STICKIN' MY HEAD IN THE TOILET OF DEPAIR WAITIN FOR THE SWIRLY, OH YESS-AH
I BEAT DOWN THE DAMN LONELY GNOMES! I AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT NO MORE!
(WHOOOHOO)

I CAN BE BAD ALLLLL BY MY DAMN SELF, I DON'T NEED YOU LYING, AMIBIVALENT, COULDN'T FIND YOUR ASS WITH BOTH HANDS- LET ALONE FIND A DAMN FINE WOMAN LIKE ME, CLUELESS DOUCHEBAGS- YA HEAR! DON'T NEED YA!

THE RIGHT ONE IS-A-ON HIS WAAAY-YA
AND WE GONNA HAVE A BLAST-AAH
THERE WILL BE RATED NC-17 FUN-AAH
AND ADAM SANDLER MOVIES-AH
AND YOU WILL BE THE KILLER OF SPIDERSSS, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!

GIVE A SKWERL AN AMEN
AAAAAYYYMENNNNNN-UUUH

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