Tuesday, October 23, 2007

REGRESSION & REGRET
Current mood: FUCKERY+ CRANKY = ME :)

SO AS I ENTER THE 35TH YEAR OF MY BIRTH, I HAVE BEGUN TO RUE THE DAY I WAS SHAT FROM MY MOTHER'S WOMB. I FEEL I HAVE MADE NO WORTHWHILE CONTRIBUTION TO THE WORLD OR MY INNER CIRCLE...ALL BECAUSE I GOT SIDETRACKED IN MY 20'S.
I SPENT MY 20'S CHAINED TO ONE UNDESERVING ASSHOLE OR ANOTHER. MY LOVE AND AFFECTION WAS USED AS A WEAPON, A RESTRAINT & A MEANS TO MY CONFIDENCE'S DESTRUCTION. NOW I'M LOOKING DOWN THE BARREL OF OF THE 40'S AND I AM STARTING TO WONDER WHY. WHY WOULD SUCH DOUCHEBAGGERY WANT A HOME IN MY HEART? WHY WAS I SO EASILY TRICKED INTO THINKING THEY ACTUALLY LOVED ME? WHY DID I NOT SEE IT FOR WHAT IT WAS, NOT WHAT I WANTED IT TO BE?
WHY DID I WASTE 8 YEARS TETHERED TO A GUY WHY USED ME AS ARMCANDY & A FUCK TOY FOR 4 OF THOSE YEARS BEFORE HE ENEN CONDESCENDED TO MAKE ME HIS ACTUAL GIRLFRIEND? WHY DID I MOVE BACK FROM SAN JUAN TO LET IT CONTINUE? WHY AM I SO PISSED THAT HE GOT SOME 22 YEAR OLD KNOCKED UP & THEN MARRIED HER 2 MONTHS LATER. I DUMPED HIM, I DON'T HAVE ANY ROMANTIC FEELING TOWARD HIM...MAYBE I'M JUST PISSED THAT I JUMPED THRU SO MANY HOOPS JUST TO GET THE SLIGHTEST GLIMMER OF AFFECTION...WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT KNOCKED UP.
IT SEEMS TO ME I AM MY OWN WORSE ENEMY, I HAVE HAD TOO MUCH FAITH IN THE HEARTS OF MEN...ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT ARE ALLEDGEDLY "GOOD" ONLY TO BE LEFT TO WRACK & RUIN. I ASK VERY LITTLE OF THEM- AND THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT I HAVE GOTTEN.
I BASICALLY LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT REGRET- UNTIL NOW. I REGRET BELIEVING ANY MAN WHO WAS NOT MY DAD EVER REALLY CARED FOR ME. I REGRET TAKING SO MUCH SHIT. I REGRET NOT EXPECTING & DEMANDING MORE METAPHYSICALLY & ROMANTICALLY OF THE MEN IN MY LIFE. I REGRET FEELING GUILTY FOR BEING ANGRY BECAUSE OF IT. THAT CAN'T BE HEALTHY
THAT BEING SAID- TO ALL OF YOU 'GENTLEMEN' WHO USED OR HURT ME UNDER THE GUISE OF AFFECTION: MAY YOUR NEXT SHIT BE SQUARE & DRY, HOPE YOU DIE IN A FIERY PLANE CRASH AND THAT THE DEVIL CORNHOLES YOU NIGHTLY...OH, AND MAY YOUR PEEN & MANBERRIES BE COVERED WITH PAPERCUTS, AND OPEN HERPETIC COLD SORES DOUSED WITH SALTY LEMON JUICE. NOTHING WOULD BRING ME MORE PLEASURE, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU PROBABLY COULDN'T. (YEAH THATS RIGHT- I FAKED IT A FEW TIMES, NOW GUESS WITH WHOM...BWAHAHAHAHAA) mine is an evil laugh muahahahaha
WELL- THAT DOES MAKE ME FEEL BETTER...NOW THAT UNPLEASANTNESS IS OFF MY SIZABLE CHEST I CAN MOVE ON AND SEEK OUT A NON-FUCKWIT WHICH I CAN SHARE THE BOUNTY OF MY HEART & 'ASSETS' WITH
TOODLES
-SKWERL, PATRON SAINT TO THE UNDERESTIMATED
Currently listening : Down - Over The Under By Down