CORRESPONDANCE FROM SKWERL'S TREE

14 JAN. 2007
RE: YOU BEING AN ASSHOLE

DEAR LOUDMOUTHED ASSHOLE NEIGHBOUR;
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I DON'T NEED TO HEAR YOU SCREAMING AT YOUR WIFE & KIDS EVERY FUCKING DAY. I WORK NIGHTS YOU SNAGGLE TOOTHED DRUNKEN FUCKWIT. MY BEDROOM & LIVING ROOM WINDOWS ARE 10 FEET FROM YOUR HOMEY HELLSTEAD...AND I HEAR IT ALL.
FAILURE TO ADOPT SOME SEMBLANCE OF CIVILITY CAN & WILL INCUR MY SQUIRRELLY WRATH. SHOULD *MY* DISCOMFORT NOT PROVE ADEQUATE IMPETUS FOR CHANGE, LET ME APPEAL TO *YOURS*. THAT BOY OF YOURS WILL BE HITTING PUBERTY SOON ENOUGH...AND JUDGING BY HIS CURRENT RATE OF GROWTH HE'S GOING TO BE BIG ENOUGH TO BE ON THE DEFENSIVE LINE, WITH THE IMPULSE CONTROL OF, WELL A TEENAGE BOY. HE IS GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS FOR EVERYTIME YOU CALLED HIM A PUSSY, ASSHOLE OR LOSER. MY WISH IS THAT THE BOY BREAKS YOUR JAW. MAYBE 2 MONTHS OF JAW WIRED SILENCE & LIQUID DIET WILL CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
THE GIRL ON THE OTHER HAND, BREAKS MY HEART. YOU ARE HER MODEL OF HOW A MAN IS SUPPOSED TO TREAT A WOMAN. YOU HAVE SHOWN HER THAT AN IDEAL MATE IS A VERBALLY ABUSIVE, LAZY ALCOHOLIC UNEMPLOYED DOUCHEBAG THAT REQUIRES WOMEN TO MAKE HIS WAY FOR HIM. IF SHE'S LUCKY- SHE WILL DRAW THE CONNECTION THAT WHAT SHE WITNESSED WAS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT NOT TO DO. SADLY HISTORY ISN'T AS OPTIMISTIC AS I.
I PRAY THAT BOTH OF YOUR OFFSPRING HAVE THE INSTINCT TO REALIZE THIS ISN'T THEIR LEGACY, THERE IS KINDNESS & SUCCESS WAITING FOR THEM ONCE THEY STEP FROM THE "TRADITIONAL FAMILY ENVIRONMENT" YOU HAVE CREATED. THAT IS STILL A FEW YEARS AWAY.
SO IN THE MEANTIME- SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I START PLAYING HATEBREED & CHILDREN OF BODUM AT FULL BLAST AGAIN.

REGARDS,
SKWERL

P.S.: STOP HOGGING ALL THE PARKING, WANKER.