9.07.2006

TOM CRUISE, XENU'S CABANA BOY OR HOBGOBLIN?

HIDELY HO WRATHKERINO'S
MY NEMISIS LARRY KING JUST DID AN HOUR ON BABY SURI'S PICTURES. EVERY LAST PHOTO SCREAMED "I'M NOT GAY! REALLY, KATIE & I DID IT!"

FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION- WHO FUCKING CARES. 6 BILLION PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET, WHO THE FUCK CARES IF YOU'RE GAY, STRAIGHT OR OTHER(?). ENOUGH WITH THIS MINDLESS TWADDLE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHO'S FUCKING WHO...UNLESS I AM ONE OF THE FUCKEES. I DON'T CARE WHO'S KNOCKED UP- AGAIN, UNLESS I AM THE KNOCK-ED. I DON'T CARE WHO'S ON THE BULEMIA DIET OR WHO LOSS 900 LBS ON JENNY CRAIG. I DO CARE IF PETROL COSTS MORE THAN BLACK TAR HEROINE. I REALLY CARE IF THERE IS SOME INCLEMENT WEATHER HEADED MY WAY. I CARE IF A GROUP OF HALF COCKED NUTBAGS ARE PLANNING TO DRIVE A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION RIGHT INTO NEW JERSEY (OR ANY PART OF THE U.S., REALLY.) THIS IS IMPORTANT SHIT- NOT THE TOM-KITTEN, WHO SOMEWHAT LOOKS LIKE DAMIEN FROM THE ORIGINAL OMEN- IT'S PROBABLY THE HAIR.

AAAANYWAY- YOU KNOW WHAT SCARES ME SHITLESS? TOM CRUISE. HE IS THE NEW BOOGEYMAN.
WHEN I WAS A CHILD WE FEARED THE CLOSET MONSTER...TODAY'S KIDS FEAR THE TOMKAT.

HERE'S A LISTING OF GOOD CHASTISEMENTS TO EMOTIONALLY SCAR YOUR KIDS WITH:

"BE GOOD OR TOM CRUISE WILL GET YOU. "

"I'M GONNA SELL YOU TO TOM CRUISE'S ALIEN SIDESHOW IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR GRADES UP!"

"TOM CRUISE IS IN YOUR CLOSET"

"IF YOU'RE GOOD SANTA WILL BRING YOU PRESENTS, IF YOU'RE BAD SANTA BRINGS TOM CRUISE."

"LET ME GUESS, YOUR ROOM IS A MESS BECAUSE TOM CRUISE WAS JUMPING ON YOUR BED?"

"IF YOU SAY TOM-KAT 3 TIMES IN A MIRROR AT MIDNIGHT, THE CRUISE'S WILL COME AND GET YOU."

"GOOD BOYS GO TO HEAVEN, BAD BOYS JUMP ON OPRAH'S COUCH."

"WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE DINNER OR YOUR GONNA CATCH CRUITEES."

"OLLIE OLLIE CRUISE IS WEIRD"

"ONE TWO THREE, GET OFF MY....HAIL XENU"

"MILK MILK LEMONADE, AROUND THE CORNER TOMKAT WILL STEAL YOUR SOUL."

GOT ANY MORE- POST THEM HERE!

SKWERL

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