CHRISTMAS & THE SINGLE LIFE

Current mood: WHY DOES MY INNER VOICE SOUND LIKE LITTLE RICHARD AT A TENT REVIVAL?


THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS THIS CHRISTMAS FROM SUCKING AS BAD AS PREVIOUS YEARS IS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO OBSESS OVER "DID HE GET ME SOMETHING? "WILL HE LIKE THIS?" "WILL I SEE HIM?" "DOES HE REALLY CARE?"
(CUE THE TENT REVIVAL MUSIC...)

'CAUSE I AIN'T WITH THAT OR ANY OTHER SELFISH MOTHERFUCKER THIS YEAR- ALLA-FUCKING-LOOOYA
(CAN I HAVE AN AMEN!)

I DONE PUT UP THE CHRISTMAS TREES: ONE IN MY LIVING ROOM, ONE IN MY BEDROOM.
(THAT'S RIGHT)

LIGHTS ON THE HOUSE
(AMEN SISTER SKWERL)

PIMP LIGHTS ON MY WORKSPACE
(TESTIFY, AMEN)

I HAVE GOTTEN THE SWIRLY OF DESPAIR!
(OH YES)

I HAVE WRESTLED WITH THE LAWN GNOMES OF LONELIENESS
(DAMN RIGHT)

I HAVE OVERCOME!
(PREACH IT SISTER SKWERL)

I AIN'T STICKIN' MY HEAD IN THE TOILET OF DEPAIR WAITIN FOR THE SWIRLY, OH YESS-AH
I BEAT DOWN THE DAMN LONELY GNOMES! I AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT NO MORE!
(WHOOOHOO)

I CAN BE BAD ALLLLL BY MY DAMN SELF, I DON'T NEED YOU LYING, AMIBIVALENT, COULDN'T FIND YOUR ASS WITH BOTH HANDS- LET ALONE FIND A DAMN FINE WOMAN LIKE ME, CLUELESS DOUCHEBAGS- YA HEAR! DON'T NEED YA!

THE RIGHT ONE IS-A-ON HIS WAAAY-YA
AND WE GONNA HAVE A BLAST-AAH
THERE WILL BE RATED NC-17 FUN-AAH
AND ADAM SANDLER MOVIES-AH
AND YOU WILL BE THE KILLER OF SPIDERSSS, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!

GIVE A SKWERL AN AMEN
AAAAAYYYMENNNNNN-UUUH

YAY SNOW!

Current mood: IM IN UR KRIZMAS, STEELIN UR HO HO HOZ

THE FIRST SNOW HAS FALLEN!

A QUICKY SNOW SQUALL PASSED OVER THE DEATHSTAR, GETTING IT ALL CHRISTMASSY.

I HAVE RESPONDED IN KIND BY PIMPING MY CUBE...WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF JR. WRATHKETEER CLAUDIA. THE CHARLIE BROWN LITES AWAIT MANAGEMENT APPROVAL PRIOR TO THE CUBE LIGHTING FESTIVITIES.


FELIZ NAVIDAD WRATHKETEERS! THE SKWERLY ONE